The husbands, partners, and significant others of our surrogates are extraordinary people. From the emotional support they provide to helping with medication administration, childcare, household chores, and so many other things, these partners play a vital role in the surrogacy journey.
We believe that spousal support is so important to the surrogacy process that we require it. As a partnered woman your significant other will need to consent to your surrogacy in order for you to move forward through the screening process.
When a woman chooses to become a surrogate it is a decision that impacts her entire family. From the children who will be without her during her travels for medical screening and transfer to the husband or significant other who will be her key support; making a family for someone else is a job in which every member of the family will play a role.
As the spouse or significant other of a potential surrogate, we will have several requirements of you.
The most important obligation is support. No potential surrogate can move forward through our screening process without the support of her significant other. You’re likely to be named as her support giver in her contract, so it’s important to have you onboard with what will be asked of her and of you during this process.
As the end of your surrogacy journey draws near, it may be a good idea to remind your children that the baby you’ve been carrying is not coming home with you after the birth. Chances are good that you explained this to them in the early stages of your journey and that you’ve reminded them of this reality through the course of the last several months as well. Even so, things can seem different to little people once the baby is a real, tangible thing that they can see and touch.
When it comes to labor, delivery, and recovery, the best advice is to have a plan in place and know that your plan might not happen. As you likely experienced with your own births, babies have a mind of their own and sometimes your best laid plans just won’t matter.
Even so, heading into the big day will be less stressful if you’ve worked on and talked through a “best case scenario” and a “worst case scenario” with all of the major players of the day. Your intended parents, partner, OB, and childcare provider should all be on the same page about what you hope will happen as well as a few alternate plans in case things take a different direction than planned.
While it’s not always the goal, many Intended Parents desire to achieve a twin pregnancy and specifically shoot for one. Just as with non-surrogate multiples, surrogate multiples inspire a lot of conversation. From awe and fear for your health to curiosity and advice, you’re likely to hear a lot of unsolicited opinions over the next nine months.
Being the surrogate carrier of multiples means invasive questions that go beyond the standard comments about your size and health. We often hear our multiples carriers are asked questions along the lines of, “Do you get to keep one?” or “Are you paid double?” when people find out they’re carrying multiples.
Sometime in the second half of your pregnancy it will be suggested that you visit the hospital where you plan to deliver and take a tour of the delivery unit. As all of our surrogates are already mothers, it is very likely that you’ve completed a hospital tour before, perhaps at this very hospital. Even so, this tour is an important part of your journey and should be taken seriously.
Human pregnancies are counted in weeks, with 40 weeks being considered a full term. Many people don’t realize that when using IVF, you don’t begin counting those 40 weeks on the day you transfer the embryo into your uterus.
Gestation is determined by the age of the egg as opposed to the time spent carrying it. In this way, you are transferring an embryo into your uterus that already has an age assigned to it.
Choosing to help create a family by becoming a surrogate is a decision that will undoubtedly come with some level of personal inconvenience to your family. While the concessions that you’ll be asked to make are likely quite minor, it’s a good idea to educate yourself on these potential limitations before moving forward.
My surrogacy journey started out much like any other. I wanted to develop a bond with my intended parents and was struggling to find a way to do it. We had awkward texts and awkward silences. But I was just so determined to help them that I knew I couldn’t give up. I decided to use humor to build a bridge from my home in Idaho to theirs in Europe.