Accepting A Donor Egg

Some women come to Growing Generations with one simple need: a viable egg. Many women are capable of getting pregnant and sustaining a healthy pregnancy, but lack the availability of a viable egg to do this on her own.

In the instance of egg donation, the intended mother would seek an egg donor and then implant the embryo, created from the donated ovum and the sperm of her partner or a sperm donor, into her own uterus. The result would be that the intended mother carries her child herself, although she and the child will share not a genetic link.

It is very normal for this route of treatment to lead to some deep questions about the genetic link between mother and child and how much it really matters when it comes to forming lasting bonds with your children. We understand that the desire to see yourself in your child is deeply rooted, and that realizing a child without your genes may not share your physical and behavioral traits is a tough pill to swallow. It’s okay to be sad about this and to take some time to grieve that your family building plans may not have panned out the way you would have hoped. That said, the absence of a genetic bond does not mean the absence of a bond entirely.

Understand that the most important thing a child needs to thrive is love. The love that you will provide your child, born of donated genetics or not, is what will help this child to prosper. In many cases the love for a child born of nontraditional routes may be even stronger, given that the road to get to that child was even longer. Children born of any form of Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART) are never the result of an unplanned or accidental pregnancy and are always born out of deep desire. In these cases the parents are deeply connected to the child that will be born long before the child is ever conceived.

The most important thing to remember in this situation is that undue stress around the time of your embryo transfer may impact the likelihood of a positive result. It is important to take your time and consider your feelings and emotions about donated genetics in their entirety before you start your IVF cycle.

If you continue to have questions, concerns, or worries about the potential bond you’ll form with your child, please feel free to reach out to Dr. Kim Bergman. She is an expert in this subject area specifically. Dr. Bergman will be able to help you talk through your concerns. You can reach Kim at email hidden; JavaScript is required.

Dr. Kim Bergman :Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: An Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Red Wheel Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.

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