Biological Connection Concerns With Donor Eggs


Several intended mothers in our program will ultimately decide to use donor eggs in order to help create their family. While some will be able to carry the embryo themselves, others will need to use a surrogate in order to build their families.

For many women, the idea of accepting help to create their families can be an emotional struggle. Society tends to tell women that they need to conceive, carry, and birth a child in order to be a legitimate woman and mother. All this pressure often leads intended mothers to ask us, “Will I still have a maternal bond to a child that is not biologically mine?”

Let us make this simple. In a word, yes.

While shared genetics are often a driving factor to becoming parents, research has continued to show time and time again that these are not the factors that drive family bonds or connections. Love is what makes a family.

You will form a bond with your child as long as you are involved in his or her life. From the moment they are born, you will begin to put their needs above your own and support them physically as well as emotionally. Over the days, weeks, and months that follow, you will cheer for your child’s successes and cry with them over their failures. This involvement, love, and dedication will drive the maternal bond with your child.

Additionally, keep in mind that these concerns are not unique to only you. Many women experience these feelings, both those who are able to conceive and carry themselves as well as those who need a little help to grow a family. It is natural to embrace the gravity of parenthood with some fear, a few nerves, and a bunch of questions. The method in which your family is created will not change these things.

If you continue to have anxiety and additional concerns moving forward, feel free to reach out to your Case Specialist or to Dr. Kim Bergman. These people have a wealth of experience to call upon to address your concerns and help you feel as prepared as possible as you move closer to parenthood.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.