Picking an Egg Donor – 6 years later

Four Children Playing in the Woods

As I stare at a picture of my beautiful son who is almost 5 years old, I see a unique, one-of-a-kind human.  I see the makings of a wonderful man whose constant growth astounds me.  I see a child who is so much a part of my heart that it sometimes feels as if it will explode.

What I don’t see is an egg donor.

That’s right, 6 years ago before we were pregnant, picking an egg donor felt like the most important decision we would ever make in our lives.  Like many of the couples I have worked with, my husband and I spent hours looking at and discussing profiles.  And, today, I would not even know the egg donor if she walked up and said hello!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to minimize the importance of picking a donor.  What I am trying to say is that the angst and drama that can often go with it really are not necessary because as your child grows up, you’ll realize that they are the only one like them in the entire world.

Here’s some advice that I think will help when selecting a donor:

  1. Always look together with your partner.  Picking a donor is both objective and subjective and will really live in the conversation you have together.
  2. Start broad and look at everyone in the program.  We’ve seen it many times where someone starts out with one set of preferences only to pick a donor much different.  Something about that particular donor just moved them.
  3. Look at the whole family.  My son is in the 99th percentile for height and our donor was only 5’4” and my husband and I are only 5’9” with no taller people in our families.  But, in looking back, the donor’s father and brother are over 6 feet.
  4. Remember, your child will not be the donor so don’t feel as if you need to pick someone who will be the exact clone of your future offspring.  Your child will most likely be an unrecognizable version of you and the donor combined.

I hope this helps and I also hope that you’ll get to stare at a picture of your almost 5-year-old someday and thank God for how blessed you are.