Donor Diaries: Katie

pretty blonde woman

I will never forget how I felt when the request came in. I was a first time egg donor and, after doing a plethora of research, had decided I knew exactly what to expect of every step in the egg donation process. From the medication cycle to the retrieval and even the potential impact on my life after the donation- I was prepared for everything.

But then I found out that the people who wanted my eggs to help make them a family, they wanted to meet me.

I expected it to be a little strange, and in fact I was very nervous for it. I was so incredibly surprised when that wasn’t the case. The meeting, though rare for egg donors, felt so natural and comfortable. I think it was the most rewarding part of my donation. I walked away from that experience charged up and so happy. It made such a positive impression that I wound up donating twice more, for a total of three times.

I wish that I could know the outcomes of my donations, whether or not those people became parents with my eggs, but that does not change my overriding memories of the experience. I am so proud to have been able to be a part of something larger than myself. I didn’t give my kids away, as some might think. Instead, I gave someone else the tool that helped them have THEIR kids.

I never paused to consider how my decision might impact those in my future. It was the right choice for me, so I did it. Overtime I found that egg donation is a total deal-breaker for some men I may have had a romantic relationship with. But that doesn’t bother me either. The transfer of love from yourself to someone else should make you feel good. And Egg donation is something I feel very, very good about having done.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: An Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Red Wheel Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.