Donor Diaries: Liz

Egg donation is something I have always taken an interest in.  I always loved the idea of helping create a family for someone who could not conceive on their own. My brother in law and his wife struggled with infertility for years before they had their miracle baby, but had an egg donor come up in conversation, it could have been much sooner. Learning that, well that’s when I really started doing research!

After I researched and got approval, almost everything about the process was as I expected- give or take a few differences. I liked knowing what I was getting into before I moved forward. For me, the application process was very long and thorough, and was probably the hardest part of my whole process. Other than that, only the 7am appointments for ultra sounds and blood were difficult. Everything else was simple.

Donating eggs has changed me for the better- for sure. I always tell people how amazing it is to have fulfilled someone’s dream. The feeling of really helping out a couple in the most amazing way can’t help but make you feel like you have a bigger purpose. I think about it daily. It brings a smile to my face to know that I could potentially have helped a family bring their own bundle of joy into the world! Having children myself, I think everyone deserves to have that experience.

The compensation was definitely a draw for me, and I feel OK admitting that. I was able to start savings for my kids, pay off a credit card, and spoil myself a little, which was amazing for sure. I don’t think anyone should ever do this just for the money though. It was a bonus for sure, but there is a much bigger purpose that is worth more than the money.

There are several misconceptions about donating, and I encourage people to be open minded. A lot of people jump right to negativity about having children out there with your DNA that you will never know. Yes, there are going to be other children with my DNA that I may not ever know. Many ask me if I would ever try to track down my donor kids.

I look at it like this- If you give someone a pencil and they draw a picture, would you try and take that picture as your own, simply because they used your pencil? No, you wouldn’t. You only gave them the tool to help create something beautiful, and while that tool came from you, the beautiful art is theirs.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 22 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for the last two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, the American Fertility Association, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 28 years and their two teenage daughters.