Donor Diaries: Megan

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I became an egg donor only after having kids of my own and, if I’m being totally honest, the compensation was definitely a factor. My husband and I were getting ready to break ground on our house and my first donation provided the funds to purchase our engineered house plans. I will say, although the compensation is great, it certainly wasn’t the only reason. I had watched some friends struggle with fertility issues and felt like I wanted to help others in that situation.

I get that egg donation can be a hot topic issue, and that there are those who are against it. I would say that it’s possible those people haven’t experienced fertility issues or the possibility of never having their own biological children. Those two things can be heartbreaking. I do not see how is it a bad thing to assist a couple with the tools they need to make a family and bring a child in this world, especially when that child is extremely wanted.

I think that often someone will disregard the fact that someone was a sperm donor as no big deal, yet a woman donating an egg or eggs is more foreign to them and that’s unfortunate. Some people might think that young people are just donating for some quick cash and that’s not the case.

In my specific case I was tested medically, psychologically, I met with a legal team about what was happening, and I was put through a very rigorous process. It’s not as quick and simple as some might think and the importance of the donation is recognized.

Without egg donors, some families out there may never be able to see the reality of their family. If I wasn’t willing to provide them with a part of me that would have otherwise been discarded, they may have never had children of their own.

For me, there is no long lasting emotional impact on my daily life as a result of my donation. I am so happy that I was able to help two families with having a baby or babies. The feeling of a “job well done” is the lingering effect.

I have been open with my friends about my donation and they have all fully supported my decision. Some of them have expressed the desire to do the same! When it comes right down to it, I have a daughter of my own. Would I let her donate if she wanted to do it? Absolutely.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: An Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Red Wheel Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.