How Your Donated Genetics Will be Parented

As an egg donor you may find yourself wondering how your eggs will be parented by those who receive them. While most egg donors tell us they don’t feel a maternal attachment to their donated genetics, it’s not unheard of to wonder if the lack of a biological link between child and parent will impact their lives moving forward.

The answer is fairly simple. The lack of a genetic link between parent and child will not play a role in the life of your donated genetics moving forward. These children are deeply wanted and loved long before they’re ever born.

Parents of children born through donated genetics often ask themselves similar questions before deciding to move forward. They may wonder if they’ll be able to bond with the child, or if it even matters that they don’t share genetics with their future children. They may be afraid of how they will someday tell their child that there is no biological link between them, and sometimes will worry about what others may think if they know the truth.

The reality is that they will have worked through all of these questions and worries before ever moving forward with an egg retrieval cycle. What we see in practice is that these concerns seem to melt away almost instantly about the time the baby is born. Love, intent, and dedication is what distinguishes parents from other adults in the child’s life. The adults who will receive your donated eggs will be the parents to that child in every way that matters. Biological link or not, the family bond will exist and, in many cases, may be even stronger than in traditionally created families due to the dedication it took to make the family happen.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.