Remembering Your Donation

Before embarking on your egg donor journey, you may already be wondering how you’ll feel at the conclusion of your experience. Specifically, you may be wondering how you’ll feel on the anniversaries of your donation as you consider whether or not your donations lead to the birth of a baby.

 

With rare exception, we find that donors do not often feel the need to follow up on their donations. Most donors report feeling separated from their genetic donations and rarely look back. Those who frequently remember their donation tell us that they do it with a smile, an absence of regret, and optimistic curiosities about the outcome.

More often than not, we hear donors say that their thoughts regarding their donations and potential children come at a fleeting regularity and are not often linked to the physical anniversary of their donations. Donors will often meet these passing thoughts with a smile and perhaps some positive self-talk about the good thing they did to help a family in need.

The few donors who are curious about the outcomes of their donations are able to reach out to their case specialist in the months following their donations. We are often able to fulfill these inquiries about pregnancies or live births resulting from donations.

If you feel as though you may want to know about the outcome of your donation before you’re even matched, you should discuss your thoughts with your case specialist. This person will be more readily able to talk with you about the chances of matching with a couple who may be open to sharing that information with you, though this is not a standard arrangement. Additionally, your case specialist can talk with you about the spectrum of emotions we regularly experience from our donors during their cycles.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 22 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for the last two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, the American Fertility Association, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 28 years and their two teenage daughters.