The Donor Diaries: Kim


When it comes to egg donation, the easiest part for me was deciding to say yes! I started by simply realizing I just met the criteria to be an egg donor, and figured, “why not?” I loved the science of it and how so much love and so many families can be made from such a simple decision. So I filled out the application and jumped in headfirst!

The process itself was easier than I was expecting. Just as simple as my decision to donate in the first place. There are appointments and medicines, but it’s nothing that can’t be managed.

Perhaps the hardest part of my decision was that, as this is a new science, there aren’t many studies on the long term impact of donation. Since my donation I’ve gone on to have healthy pregnancies and children of my own with no obvious impacts as a result of the donation, and I feel good about the future.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have done this. This, of course, leads to a few stereotypes here and there. There are people who think the hormones I took will give me cancer someday and people who think I should feel guilty for the siblings my own children will never meet. But, for me, there are no worries. No regrets.  I look at it as helping someone else plant their garden. I don’t miss those flowers once they bloom, the seeds were never really mine.

Having become a mom myself, I find that I am more and more proud of my decision to donate. Now that I have children of my own, I have a deeper understanding and compassion for the gift that I gave to someone else. Egg donation is not for everyone, but thank goodness it is for some people.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.