10 Daily Reminders for Surrogates

When taking on something as large as surrogacy, it’s unsurprising that surrogates can forget about the little things. We find that women who make the most successful surrogates are often so filled with the desire to make others happy that they can forget about making themselves happy in the process. With that in mind, we’ve put together a list of 10 things surrogates should remind themselves of on a daily basis.

  1. Keep an open mind, and let your heart guide you. Whether you’re reviewing profiles or planning for the birth, keep an open mind to all ideas. This is a new experience and may, at times, feel foreign to you. Keeping an open mind will allow you the possibility to have the best experience possible. Even so, always let your heart be your guide.
  2. Great things take time. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Your process may take many months, sometimes more than a year, to complete. And the length of the race is different for every runner. When you feel exhausted, remember that the finish line is well worth crossing, no matter how long it takes to get there.
  3. This is as new for your intended parents as it is for you. It can be easy to get frustrated during your journey. Try to remember that, even if you’re a repeat surrogate, this is very likely your intended parents’ first experience with surrogacy. You’re all learning as you go. Remembering to be empathetic, patient, and kind will help keep your journey positive.
  4. Use your network. From your nurse coordinator to your case specialist, you are surrounded by professionals who are here to help you. These professionals want to make your journey better and welcome you to reach out for help. This network of professionals is provided as a benefit to you, and your call is never a bother to them. If you have a question, no matter how silly it seems, we want you to use your network.
  5. Your IPs are so grateful for you. Not all intended parents have the best communication skills. Sometimes that lack of communicative prowess can leave a surrogate feeling underappreciated. No matter what level of contact you may have with your IPs know that they value you immensely. You are making their dreams come true, and it’s a level of gratitude that they may never find words to express.
  6. Seek Community. You’re not the first woman to become a surrogate. Finding others who have done this before you, or who are currently doing this, can offer a world of support. Through social media and the internet, it is easier than ever to find a community of like-minded women with whom you can share your experiences.
  7. A negative pregnancy test is not your fault. When a transfer fails it is all too easy to blame yourself. We understand this reaction. But understand that this is not your fault. In most cases there is nothing that you did, didn’t do, or could have done differently to lead to a different result. Sometimes things just don’t work. What is important is to keep swinging the bat, eventually you’ll hit the ball.
  8. This is YOUR journey, no one else’s. Being a surrogate grants you access to the ranks of the hundreds of women who have traveled this road before you. Many of them may currently be on the same path you’re walking. It’s only human nature to compare your journey to theirs. But it’s important to remember that your experience differs from theirs in many ways. Try not to compare your experience to those of other surrogates, it’s the quickest way to not enjoy the journey that you’re on.
  9. Take care of yourself, you’re worth it. Be sure to get the sleep you need and drink plenty of water. Take the time to make yourself a priority, you’re worth it.
  10. Have faith in yourself. No matter what you experience on your journey to creating a family, never forget that you can do this. Have faith in your body, your heart, and your dedication to this process. You’ve got this.
Teo Martinez

Teo Martinez is the CEO of Growing Generations, a surrogacy and egg donation agency headquartered in Los Angeles, CA. Educated at both UCLA and Pepperdine University, and with over 15 years of experience working in assisted reproduction, Teo’s background makes him one of the most experienced and accomplished professionals in the field.