Along for the Ride: A Real Time Surrogacy Experience
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Profile Acceptance
So what comes after you accept the profile of a potential intended parent? In this household we call it “nervicited.”
You’re excited like Christmas Eve as a kid, because you know that, if they accept your profile, in just a day or so something really, really good is coming. But you’re also nervous like you’re on trial and waiting for the jury to return a verdict. OK, I wouldn’t know what that feels like, I’ve never been on trial. But still, you’re so nervous because you know that there is the potential that these intended parents that you LOVE may not love you back. It happens. It’s happened to me. It’s not pretty, but it is normal and can happen.
This internal conflict wages on for 24-48 hours or so.
Then the phone rings.
And it’s a California phone number.
Do you answer it on speaker phone? It could be good news.
Do you hide under the couch and send it to voicemail? It could be bad news.
We chose to answer it.
And it was the right choice! They said yes! Turns out they love us, too!
In that moment it really is like Christmas morning. It feels like a gift. I was so excited and happy. I squealed and did a happy dance. And, as they always are, Growing Generations was right there with me, squealing and doing that happy dance with me.
After the initial excitement comes a flourish of travel planning. Growing Generations likes to get IPs and surrogates together within two weeks to meet either face to face or over an e-conference call. Our little group has chosen to meet in person, in California. So we toss our schedules into a blender, beg for babysitters, and give our wardrobes a blank stare.
Time to our pack our bags and head to the Golden state for the next step!
Next week I’ll talk a bit about the match meeting process, and how our experience goes!
For now, I need to overthink what to wear.
Resources
Tips for Choosing Your Surrogate
An Intended Parent’s (Rough) Timeline
The Jargon of Surrogacy- Part 1
Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.
