The choice to become a surrogate is overwhelmingly exciting! It’s not unusual to be very excited to share your news with your friends and family. In fact, the choice to become a surrogate is rarely one that you can keep 100% secret, as you’ll find that you may need to rely on friends or family as early as the screening phase, since you’re likely to need a babysitter for your screening process.
So, once you’re accepted and matched into our program, how do you know when it’s the best time to share your news with the world? Since it’s probably not ideal or realistic to wait until the birth to share your pregnancy news, you have two simple time frames to choose between. Here are a few things to keep in mind.
Most surrogates will choose to go public with their news well before they’re pregnant. This can be beneficial for many reasons. First, it allows the people closest to you the luxury of time. They’ll be able to thoughtfully consider the incredible gift that you’re giving, and they’ll have time to come up with any questions they may have for you about the process. You’ll also be able to gather support for the time that you’re on hormone therapy, and it can be helpful if those around you understand why your mood may be a bit off during this time.
Other surrogates choose to wait until about halfway through their pregnancy to share the news of their surrogacy. This allows them some privacy from invasive questions and safeguards them against having to tell friends or family about a potential early pregnancy loss. By waiting until the midway point of your pregnancy, you ensure a bit of peace and privacy for your family.
When it comes to telling your boss, delayed sharing allows you to keep the secret a bit longer in the sad possibility of an early miscarriage. Some women also feel as though their bosses would not allow time away from work for important surrogacy appointments or procedures. If this is your situation, feel confident knowing you are not required to tell your boss why you’re missing work for medically related absences.
As for your children, a handful of variables will come into play. Things like your children’s ages, maturity levels, and general awareness all play into choosing when it is best to tell them your surrogacy plans. Here’s a more in-depth look at that decision-making process.
A Word on Social Media
Social media is never secret. Even if your social media accounts have the highest level of security, you’ll find that word can travel pretty quickly. The whole premise of social networking is that it makes it easy to follow the lives of friends and family without direct interaction. We mention this as a reminder that if you’re not ready for your boss, your brother, or your book club to know your news, it’s probably not the time to talk about it on social media.