Declining a Profile

The first step of your matching phase is the acceptance of the profile of an intended parent or pair of intended parents. Growing Generations will send the profile to you for review after you’ve completed your pre-screening labs. It contains images of the family you’d be helping to create along with information about the intended parents. After reviewing the information, we ask you to either accept the potential match and move forward, or decline the match and receive a new profile.

There are many reasons a surrogate may choose to decline a profile. Common examples include:

  • Differing views on reduction, birth preferences, or additional requests of the surrogate
  • Confusion over the desired pre or post surrogacy relationship
  • Differences in lifestyle, family values, or religion
  • Something just feels “off.”

We understand that the decision to decline a profile can be a difficult one to make. The first thing that you should know is that declining a profile is an acceptable decision. It is also okay to ask for clarification about the profile before deciding to accept or decline it.

Refusing a profile is a normal part of the matching process. Reviewing a profile that is not a good fit for you can help you identify search criteria that you may not have realized you had. No matter your reasons for declining a profile, know that your decision is valid. The intended parents are not aware of when their profiles are being considered, so you shouldn’t feel pressure to accept simply to avoid hurt feelings.

If you do choose to decline a profile, it is important to talk with the Growing Generations staff member assisting you about the reasons you’re declining. This process is not meant to question your decision. Rather, it is meant to help us find you a better match in the next profile. Whatever your reasons for declining the profile are, sharing them with our staff will help us re-direct your search in order to find that ideal match for you.

After you decline a profile and talk with us about your reasoning, our staff will again review the pool of applicants who align well with you on paper and look for a new match for you. You should receive a new profile within a few days, although this window can be longer if you have a narrow field of possibilities due to your state of residency or matching preferences.

While Growing Generations does everything possible to find a good match for you before sending the profile, you know your heart and personal situation the best. We understand that surrogacy is an intimate and long spanning relationship that needs to get started on a positive note with secure feelings. We are more interested in finding a strong match than a fast match. We’re excited to walk you through this exciting part of your journey.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.