Disclosing Your Plans to be a Surrogate Mom to Family and Friends

There is no one perfect time or way to tell friends and family that you are going to be a surrogate. However, being a surrogate involves a pregnancy, so it may be a more comfortable and enjoyable experience with the support of your family and friends.

Most experts advise that as soon as you have made a solid decision to become a surrogate, you should share with your friends and family. Some suggest you should write down your motivations for taking part in surrogacy, so they are clear to you and easier to discuss with others. While other counselors suggest you let the topic come up naturally once people notice that you’re pregnant.

Education is your greatest tool in discussing surrogacy with friends and family. Sharing why you’re doing this and exactly what the process is like can go a long way toward making this step of disclosure go smoothly for everyone.

Many surrogates have found their children to be far more open and quick to understand surrogacy than friends and family. In many ways, their concerns, especially if they are young, will revolve around how your pregnancy and the baby will affect them. Adult family and friends may be more confused or judgmental because it’s a relatively unusual experience for them. Being calm and confident and providing information is said to be the best approach.

Here are some tips:

Decide who you want to share with and why. Being a surrogate is one of the most selfless and generous acts a person can perform but that doesn’t mean everyone will think so. If there are some people who will be unnecessarily judgmental about it, perhaps you should think twice about disclosing your surrogacy to them.

Decide how much detail you want to tell friends and family. You and the Intended Parents (IPs) deserve your privacy.

Rehearse. Decide what vocabulary to use. Words like “infertility,” “family” and “carrying their baby” can soften the more technical terms of “gestational surrogate” and “surrogacy.”

Timing, timing, timing. Choose a time to talk to friends and family that isn’t rushed, particularly public, or filled with distractions.

Above all, be relaxed and confident in your decision. If you are, most of your friends and family will be as well. Remember, not everyone will be excited about your surrogacy and that’s okay.

Kelly Enders-Tharp

Kelly Enders-Tharp was a three time gestational surrogate with Growing Generations. Afterwards, she joined GG as their Marketing and Admissions Specialist.