Divorcing During Surrogacy

Unfortunately, surrogacy does not mean that a woman’s personal life will press pause while helping to grow a family. Kids will still get sick, jobs may still change, and sometimes, relationships will end. A surrogate and her partner may legally separate or file for divorce during the time in which she is under surrogacy agreement or pregnant.  

Should this become the reality of your journey, we understand that it can cause you great stress. We know that these things do happen and can ensure you that, through Fertility Counseling Services, Growing Generations has a plan in place to help ensure your surrogate has additional support to help her manage this very challenging time.

Growing Generations has a thorough psychological screening in place for these exact types of scenarios. If a surrogate is able to make it through our vigorous screening process, we have complete faith in her mental and emotional stability, and trust that she will continue to be an ideal surrogate while she navigates her personal life at the same time.

If you have been matched, but are not yet pregnant, the surrogate or the intended parents may elect to either pause or terminate the match. In some cases, it may be beneficial to give your surrogate some room to breathe and find more stability, before moving forward.

Additionally, it is important to note that spouses of surrogates are also psychologically screened and, like your surrogate, have signed legally binding papers that ensure your child will not be put at risk as a result of their separation. Both parties will have signed papers stating that they will have no legal rights to the child your surrogate is carrying, no matter if they’re married or divorced. If you have additional legal questions, you should consult with your legal team.

Bear in mind that this is a very challenging time for your surrogate, and that her communication with you may change from how it was previously. If you have additional questions or concerns, please utilize your Case Specialist during this transitional period.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.