Hospital Tour Questions for Surrogates

Pregant woman on phone in office

Sometime in the second half of your pregnancy it will be suggested that you visit the hospital where you plan to deliver and take a tour of the delivery unit. As all of our surrogates are already mothers, it is very likely that you’ve completed a hospital tour before, perhaps at this very hospital. Even so, this tour is an important part of your journey and should be taken seriously.

Many intended parents will choose to visit you around the 20th week of your pregnancy to attend the anatomy ultrasound as well as this hospital visit. Do try to bear in mind that while this may not be your first, second, or even third birth, it is very likely their first. Try to remember the anxiety and excitement you felt going into this part of pregnancy when it was your first time. Presenting a calm attitude will help ease their nerves as the day grows near.

Your case specialist will email you a birth delivery planning document prior to your hospital tour. If possible, you should plan to talk with your intended parents to fill this out prior to your tour. This will allow all parties to voice their preferences for the birth. Then, during the tour, both parties will have the option to ask any questions that may have arisen during the planning.

Common questions tend to revolve around the ability for surrogate and intended parents to be housed separately during post-partum, how to band the baby to give proper access to the right people, and how to fill out the birth certificate. Other things you’ll want to be sure to ask about include how many people are allowed in the delivery room or operating room in the instance of a caesarian delivery. You should also go over proper emergency contact information for yourself as well as the baby, in the instance the parents are unable to attend the birth.

Growing Generations will contact the hospital that you’ve identified sometime in the second trimester in order to begin preparing them for the surrogate birth process. Many times your case specialist will be able to schedule the tour of the maternity unit directly. You will be given the opportunity to share your availability with your case specialist before the tour is scheduled.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: An Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Red Wheel Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.