Remembering Your Journey on Birthdays

toddler walking

For many surrogates, their journey ends the day the child she carried is born. Some surrogates are fortunate enough to remain in contact with the families they helped create and will often be included in birthdays with either photos, calls, or in some cases, invitations to attend milestone birthday events.

No matter what direction your post pregnancy journey takes, the day you gave birth to your surrogate child is often forever special to many surrogates. Here is a look at how some surrogates choose to remember that day.

Charm Bracelet

Sentimental jewelry is a popular choice for anyone wishing to create a buildable keepsake item. Consider purchasing a small charm bracelet following the birth, and adding a new charm each year on the anniversary of the birth.

Send a Card

Many surrogates will mark the anniversary of the birth with a brief communication with the parents and the child. This often takes place in the form of a greeting card, Skype call, phone call, or text message. While many surrogates opt to send a gift on the first birthday, gift giving rarely continues on an annual basis.

Revisit a Journal or Blog

The popularity of the internet gives us an easy way to look back and remember where we were in our lives in years past. If you kept an online blog or written journal during your journey, revisiting this on the anniversary can remind you all over again of how incredibly special your experience was. If you did not keep written account, you can still revisit bump photos or old emails exchanged between your intended parents and yourself.

Positive Self Talk

Some surrogates tell us the most useful thing they do for themselves on an annual basis give is a brief positive self-talk, usually around the time of the child’s birthday. Simply taking a moment to sit down and reflect on your choices and the family that they helped create can serve as a great reminder of exactly how special the experience was.


No matter what custom you choose to make your tradition in the years following birth, know that your decision and the role you played in creating a family is something that will be forever cherished.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.