Surrogacy With A Partner

surrogate reading book

The husbands, partners, and significant others of our surrogates are extraordinary people. From the emotional support they provide to helping with medication administration, childcare, household chores, and so many other things, these partners play a vital role in the surrogacy journey.

We believe that spousal support is so important to the surrogacy process that we require it. As a partnered woman your significant other will need to consent to your surrogacy in order for you to move forward through the screening process.

Your significant other will also need to attend screening, be medically cleared, listed on your contract as your primary support person, and attend the match meeting.

For partnered couples, surrogacy means promising to keep all sexual relations inside the confines of your relationship during the course of the surrogacy agreement. You’ll also have to consent to other doctors’ orders, including abstaining from sex during parts of the process. These requirements are true for surrogates who are married, living together or living apart but are sexually active.

Apart from contractual agreements, you may find it useful to talk with your significant other about other elements of the surrogacy and how they’ll impact your relationship. Things like household chore delegation, child care situations and time management can be useful to talk about prior to becoming pregnant. It is also useful to talk about your compensation and how you plan to use or save it as a team. This can help avoid conflict or tension later on.

We find that most significant others are open minded and have a desire to help with the process. From helping administer medications to managing your paperwork, there are plenty of areas for your significant other to play a role in your journey. They will also need to undergo a background check as part of the screening process.

Your case specialist or psychologist Dr. Kim Bergman are always available to help you through any situations that may arise in your relationship through the course of the surrogacy.


Revised on 4/17/18

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.