Surrogate Stories: Adrienne

adrienne

I got pregnant with my first son Liem when I was 20. I didn’t expect to start a family so early but the day he was born I knew that my life was changed. I consider my life split into 2 different parts; before Liem and after Liem. After he was born I knew I wanted to be able to give this gift to another family. I started researching surrogacy right away in 2008. Living in NY at the time, the first thing I learned was that I’d have to move to become a surrogate. After I had my second child it happened that we moved to Nashville, and I applied with Growing Generations right away. I was done building my family and I wanted to start helping another family right away.

My first surrogacy was with a VIP couple. It went quickly and, for the most part, smoothly. I felt so proud of myself at the close of it, but I knew I wanted to help another couple, too. I wanted to find a match where I could have a closer relationship with the family I was helping. I really wanted parents who would be involved in the pregnancy.

I had to wait a little while to be matched the second time around. I live in TN where state laws restrict who I can be matched with. I was willing to wait to find a couple that connected with me on a deeper level than just needing someone else to have their baby. I also wanted a couple who was very involved and felt comfortable asking me anything and treating the pregnancy like their own. I wanted a relationship that came organically.

I received a few profiles that weren’t on track with the relationship I was looking for, and decided the right couple would be worth the wait. So I waited.

After a few profiles were turned down, I received a call from my matching coordinator. She told me that a couple had come in to interview about becoming potential IPs and they knew they would be a perfect match for me. So they had already shown the couple my profile. When I read the profile, I knew I had found the one. They were so unbelievably sweet and I was anxious to meet them. After our match meeting we knew it was a done deal. This was the right match, the one we’d both been waiting on.

In fact, out of the entire journey, the one moment that stands out in my mind the most was meeting the mother. When I was at the hotel and I walked out to see her she just started crying, and so did I. It’s like we knew something big was about to happen.

I remember feeling affirmed in choosing this couple the day they called me to tell me the name they had picked out for their son. It became so real to me. I could feel this little guy kicking around inside me and now he had a name. He had the parents dreams invested in him and I could feel it.

The day he was born was life changing. I remember when I pushed and he was finally here, the parents were beside themselves just staring at the baby. It is by far the most intense connection you can ever witness when a parent gets to feel, hear, and hold their baby for the first time. Remember those tears the mother cried when she met me? She had the same look on her face and cried exactly the same way the day the baby was born. It all came full circle and those tears were all good tears.

I love surrogacy, and I will do this again. I love surrogacy because it makes me feel like I have found my purpose in life. I was bought here to help make not only my family, but 2 other families so far. My surrogacies are a gift that no one can ever take away from me. Surrogacy is very much a part of who I am.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.