Surrogate Stories: Claire

telling your kids

There is an important relationship that develops between a surrogate and her Intended Parents. We talk about it a lot. However, it’s the bond that most surrogates have with each other that seems unmatchable.

During my research before becoming a surrogate, I read testimonials, blogs, and interviews of surrogates. I felt a connection to these women that I couldn’t understand. I knew I was one of them, even though I had never met them. I felt confident that being a surrogate was something I was ready to do.

When I became a Growing Generations surrogate I joined the Growing Generations Facebook group. It’s a private group of those who are already cleared and ready to be matched by GG. The women there were incredibly welcoming to me. It’s a safe place where I found unmatched support and laughter throughout every step of my journey.

When I first joined, there were several women that I looked up to. They had completed journeys, or were about to deliver their surrogate babies. Many of them were close friends outside of the internet as well. They travelled together, attended each other’s weddings, and knew each other’s families. It was truly a sisterhood. I was excited to be a part of it.

On our journeys to create a family, surrogates go through a lot. There’s emotional triumph and struggle. It can be hard to relate to if you’ve never gone through it. When I was excited about a positive pregnancy test, or apprehensive about going through a twin delivery, I knew could lean on the knowledge of my surrogate friends to celebrate with me or give me the confidence I needed to get through the hard times.

I try to be like the women I looked up to when I began my journey.  I reach out to new surrogates. I share my experiences and offer advice. I want them to have the same safe, loving, compassionate environment that I thrived in.

My surrogate sisters were there for me through my journey in every way. I can’t imagine doing it without them. The bond between surrogates is deep and lasting. As I look toward my second journey, I know I’ll be able to look to them and they’ll be able to look to me for support.

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for intended parents, surrogates and donors. She is the co-owner of Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019) as well as the children's book You Began as a Wish (Independent Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. She has two adult daughters.