Surrogate Stories: Kendra

Lake

When I heard about surrogacy I just thought it just sounded incredible and it would be cool to be able to help someone like that. I enjoyed being pregnant, so why not!?!

My husband was very hesitant to the idea at first. He has never been through the pregnancy and delivery stages, being that he’s my kids’ stepfather. He doesn’t have kids of his own so he was very new to the whole idea, whether for us or others. He was worried about the risks and what could happen to me. So, of course, we had more in depth conversations. We discussed my previous pregnancies and deliveries and my passion for wanting to help someone else experience the joys of parenthood. He agreed, and I agreed to only one surrogacy unless we both agree later. Everyone I’m close with was very supportive. My mom, my sister, my friends; they were all excited to be with me on this journey of helping someone become parents.

Getting matched with Intended Parents (IPs) was an easy process for me. My husband and I looked over the IPs profile and since we liked them, on paper, we told the agency we’d love to meet them. The next step was for them to send my profile over to those IPs. The IPs viewed my profile and liked us on paper as well. So then the agency set up a time for us to go there so we could meet in person.

The IPs lived in Australia so they flew into LA to meet. The four of us, the IPs, my husband and myself, went out to eat nearby to get to know each other after the meeting. It’s a great opportunity to be yourselves, no pressure, and get to know each other. After all, if I were to carry their baby, we’d be going through it all together over at least a year. After our meal we parted ways and were told to let the agency know if we’d like to match and move forward. We both said yes! 🙂

As the journey progressed, we all grew close. It was amazing. We weren’t just ‘surrogate and IPs’, we became friends. We celebrated together. They met my two children and some of my family. We all hung out together. Once their little girl was born they kept us a part of their lives. We took plenty of pictures and got together before they headed back home.

When their little girl was three weeks old I received a call; my IPs wanted to do another journey with me, have me carry their second child as well. Of course I agreed! My pregnancy and delivery again went great, and we all got along so well. I got pregnant with their second baby, a boy this time. We got to hang out a few times again during the pregnancy, and I even flew to Australia to visit and attend their daughter’s second birthday party! They’ve had their son now too and they are a happy family! We have continued to keep in contact and I love them like family, my Australian surrogate family!

I also did a third surrogacy for another set of IPs, as my first had their hands full. These IPs are from Sweden and, as with my previous experience, we got along great. We even got to visit several times and we still keep in contact. So I also have a Swedish surrogate family!

The deliveries, the birth of those three little miracles, that’s what stands out in my mind more than anything. Besides having my own children, giving birth to my three surrogate babies to these two wonderful sets of parents was amazing.

When the first was born, her daddies were smiling from ear to ear with amazement at the sight of their baby, their little girl. One new daddy called his mother to tell her their baby has been born, with her in his arms and tears in his eyes. When baby three was born, to the second parents, her daddies held each other with tears of joy and amazement of what they just witnessed. Baby girl was placed in the bassinet with her daddies hovering over her. I looked over at them and one of the new daddies, with tears in his eyes, lipped to me “Thank you”.

Those moments; that is why we do this. That is why I became a surrogate. Seeing the sheer joy in their eyes is definitely a moment that I will never forget and always cherish!

Now that everything is over, and I am a ‘retired’ surrogate, I still feel absolutely incredible about everything. I feel so honored and overjoyed that I was able to help two families, to be a part of something as miraculous as helping create parents and families, is such a wonderful feeling.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: An Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Red Wheel Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.