Tips for Talking About Surrogacy

pregnant couple

Talking about surrogacy with strangers is a reality of your journey. Even though you are excited about your choice, there may be others who are either uninformed about the process or who disagree with your belief system. Know that these discussions will become easier as the weeks progress. Here are a few pointers for talking surrogacy with strangers.

Be Confident

It has been said that if you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything. Surrogacy is no exception. It’s okay to be proud of your decision and to assert your beliefs. Confidence is attractive to people. When people see that you are well educated and firm in your choices, they’re more likely to respect them.

Take Emotion out of The Equation

It is incredibly difficult to talk reasonably with someone who is fueled by emotion. It is important to understand that some people may have opinions that differ from yours. Reacting to those opinions defensively or emotionally is unlikely to move the conversation forward in a productive way. If you want your story and logic to be clear, remove negative emotions from your arguments.

Knowledge is Power

The more information you have about surrogacy, the more information you will be able to share with others. Given that most judgments and prejudices come from lack of information, arming yourself with as much knowledge as possible makes you a walking ambassador for surrogacy.

Know When to Walk Away

Finally, it is important to know when to walk away. There will always be people who disagree with you and who can not be made to see your point of view. Sometimes the classiest thing you can do is concede defeat and change the subject.  As long as you are proud of your choices, you can have a successful journey.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.