Trust & Your Intended Parents

One of the most important aspects of your relationship with your intended parent or parents is trust. It is the foundation of surrogacy and should be at the very heart of your relationship. In a surrogate-intended parent relationship, both parties earn trust gradually. If you and the intended parents have a foundation of trust, you will have an easier surrogacy journey.

The beginning of a trusting relationship often comes down to clearly expressed expectations and boundaries. It is completely appropriate to ask your intended parents about how much communication would make them most comfortable. In addition to their needs, you need to be clear on what kind of communication you want and need as well. Growing Generations has found that the best way to keep open lines of communication with your intended parents is to be interested in their lives and to update them regularly on the pregnancy. It is important to not force the relationship—keep it light and it will grow naturally.

Intended parents need to feel they can trust you and believe that their baby is in good hands while in your care. They may often feel a little left out of the process, so it is important to try and accommodate their needs by informing them about what is going on so they can be feel as part of the journey. Sending regular updates on the progress of the pregnancy, weekly bump day photos, or other updates can do this.

Because the surrogacy process takes over a year, it is important to remain flexible. Being flexible in your expectations and understanding of the intended parents’ emotional needs during this journey will greatly benefit you and the intended parents. Also remember that, just like you, they also have a full and busy life outside of the surrogacy. This may mean that your emails, phone calls, or texts may not be answered right away. Know that in the vast majority of cases, the surrogacy and your condition are important to them, and that they will respond to you as soon as they are able.

Growing Generations has a team of professionals that will provide information at every step of your journey, but you should be comfortable communicating with the intended parents about your relationship and the pregnancy. This will help the intended parents feel that they are really participating and assure them that you have their baby’s health and welfare as your top priority.

It is possible that you will develop a real, lasting friendship with the intended parents. While some surrogate-intended parent relationships develop, others might not, which is also completely normal. A surrogate’s goal is to help intended parents create a family. It’s not something that can be forced. Growing Generations’ recommendation: take it slow, be warm and genuine, and have good boundaries.

Teo Martinez

Teo Martinez is the CEO of Growing Generations, a surrogacy and egg donation agency headquartered in Los Angeles, CA. Educated at both UCLA and Pepperdine University, and with over 15 years of experience working in assisted reproduction, Teo’s background makes him one of the most experienced and accomplished professionals in the field.