What IPs Look For In A Surrogate


Many of our surrogates ask us what sorts of qualities intended parents look for in their surrogates. While this question can have many answers, we find that the majority of our intended parents tend to focus on the same areas. These often include:

  • The surrogate’s medical history— IPs want to make sure that the woman they choose to help build their family is healthy. This is part of why the surrogate screening process includes so many medical tests. IPs will always receive a medical history along with your profile that outlines things such as obstetric history and past medical issues.

  • The surrogate’s lifestyle choices— A surrogate’s lifestyle choices can impact the decision to accept or deny a potential profile. The medical profile outlines your history of drinking and substance use.
  • The surrogate’s compensation—Experienced surrogates will receive higher levels of compensation. This fact doesn’t cause concern for most intended parents. Some IPs will request experienced surrogates despite the additional costs. That being said, other IPs may not be willing to work with those with higher compensation guidelines.
  • The legal issues—The laws on surrogacy vary from state to state, so your location is an important consideration for many IPs. While we will not match a couple in a state that is incompatible to the IP’s home, there may be minor legal differences from state to state that will matter to the intended parents.
  • Your relationship with your family- Many intended parents are looking for a woman who is a loving and passionate mother to her own children. They want to know that their future child is safe and nurtured while in your care.
  • Your relationship with them— Just as you may have thoughts on the future relationship you want to have with your IPs, the intended parents likely have preferences as well. Growing Generations will work hard to find matches that are looking for similar relationships, but you can help the process by being honest and straight forward with your expectations as you create your profile.

To appeal to potential IPs, you should be completely transparent about yourself through every step of the screening, profile building, and matching process. While the desires and priorities of intended parents vary, the one thing that all IPs seek is a sincere, loving woman to help them grow their family.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: An Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Red Wheel Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.