What Are Intended Parents Looking for in a Surrogate?

 

Many women on the path to becoming a surrogate with Growing Generations ask us what qualities intended parents look for in their surrogates. While the answers vary, we find that the majority of our intended parents, whether individuals or couples, tend to focus on the same areas when finding a surrogate to help build or grow their families. The most common areas include:

  • The surrogate’s medical history: Intended parents want to make sure the woman they choose is healthy. That’s why our surrogate screening process includes so many medical tests. Intended parents will always receive a medical history along with a profile that outlines obstetric history, body mass index (BMI) and past medical issues.
  • The surrogate’s lifestyle choices: A surrogate’s lifestyle choices can impact whether intended parents accept or deny a profile. This includes factors such as alcohol consumption and eating habits. At Growing Generations, we do not accept any surrogate candidates with a history of abusive drinking or substance abuse, outlined in their medical profiles.
  • The surrogate’s compensation: Experienced surrogates will receive higher levels of compensation.
  • The legal issues: The laws on surrogacy are based mainly on where the surrogate lives and will deliver the baby, and they vary from state to state. So, not every surrogate will be a good fit for every intended parent. While we will not match an intended parent with a surrogate that does not meet the legal requirements of the intended parent, there may be minor legal differences from state to state that will matter. Intended parents will have an opportunity to discuss with the legal team prior to confirming a surrogate match.
  • Surrogate’s relationships:with a strong support system to help her through the surrogacy journey. Also, additional confidence is instilled in intended parents when they find a surrogate who deeply cares for her own biological children.
  • Relationship expectations: Growing Generations will work hard to find matches looking for similar relationships, and The relationship between a surrogate and intended parents may end when the baby is born, but that is not always the case.
  • Past pregnancies: All of our surrogates have successfully delivered and raised at least one child of their own.

Taking the Next Step

If you’re considering surrogacy, you have the option of finding intended parents on your own or going through an agency. If you do not know anyone in your personal network in need of a surrogate, our agency offers a hands-on process to walk you and intended parents through every step of the journey.

To appeal to potential intended parents, you should be completely transparent about yourself through every step of the screening, profile building and personalized matching process. While the desires and priorities of intended parents vary, the one thing they all seek is a sincere, loving woman to help them build or grow their family.

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Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.