Four Myths About Gay Parenting

home-slide_0003_004_IMG_1839If you wish to start a family through surrogacy but worry about what some might say or think, here are some things to consider. Most negative stereotypes about gay surrogacy stem from discrimination, misinformation or a general lack of information. While nearly all of these claims purport to have the child’s welfare in mind, they are all based on untrue or unbalanced myths. Here are four of the most common myths about gay parenting.

Surrogacy is Narcissistic

Unfortunately, some people imply that the only reason a gay person would opt for surrogacy is to see himself reflected back in his child. What they fail to understand is that, just like most heterosexual parents, many gay parents desire a biological connection to their children. Secondly, as in the case of gay couples, often there is one partner who has no biological connection to the child, but who loves that child as if he did. Beyond all of this, gay parents must spend a great deal of time and money to have a child, and so bring their children into an open, loving and intentional home—something that doesn’t always exist in the traditional family. So if that is the payoff, what’s wrong with wanting to see some aspect of you in the personality and features of your child?

Kids Need Parents of Both Genders

This is a common myth that has no basis in fact. Research has showed this time and time again. The American Psychological Association has clearly stated that parental gender has little influence on your children’s well-being.[1] The most important factors are the commitment and dedication to being caring parents and providing necessary material and emotional resources.

Your Kids Will Be Gay

Boy George once said, “It takes two of them, to make one of us.” Probably no gay parent would ever protest if their children announced they were homosexual, but many people who discriminate against the LGBT community claim that if a gay couple raises children, the children are bound to be gay. However, children don’t necessarily inherit their gender orientation from their parents, so this claim is unfounded.

Gay Parents Don’t Have Stable Relationships

When you are at a point in your relationship when you want to raise a family and are considering surrogacy, this is a reflection of your commitment to each other. Same-sex parents’ relationships built on love and commitment are just as strong as heterosexual relationships. In fact, according to Psychology Today, gay couples “can have better relationships than their heterosexual counterparts.”[2] Further, intentional family building, the kind we see gay parents developing, designs a home where the child is cultured, nurtured and loved.

[1] http://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/PressRelease/pressReleaseId-67057.html
[2] http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/disturbed/201311/gay-relationships-can-be-more-stable-straight-ones

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: An Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Red Wheel Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.