Growing a Great Relationship with your Surrogate

The types of relationships that can come out of a surrogacy relationship are as varied as the people who turn to surrogacy in the first place. While some parties desire an intimate relationship that will last well beyond the birth of your child, others prefer a more subtle relationship with clear boundaries. Most relationships tend to fall somewhere in the middle of this ongoing spectrum.

Growing Generations works hard to match parties based on a variety of factors including the type of relationship each party desires. What is key to remember is that, just as with your real life relationships, surrogate relationships grow best when they’re given room to grow organically.

A good rule of thumb for the first several weeks is to proceed slowly. Sending a quick Email asking how your surrogate is feeling goes a long way in establishing the foundation of a strong relationship. Remembering to send timely replies to her Emails or messages sends a strong message of support as well. What may seem fleeting and inconsequential in the moment is always warmer than silence.

As time moves forward and the relationship begins to strengthen you can start to explore other areas of conversation as well. If you’re comfortable doing so, ask her open ended questions that invite conversation without feeling too personal. You can also share parts of your life with her. Sharing a funny story about something that may have happened to you during the previous month begins to create trust. When she sees that you trust her with parts of your life and that you care about her life in return, a real relationship can begin to grow.

Again, precede with only what feels natural. It is always easier to slowly let your walls down than it is to build them back up later. You’re embarking on a lengthy journey with this woman and her family, it’s important to make sure you’re all comfortable within the confines of your relationship.

No matter how close you do or do not become with your surrogate, there will likely always be moments where you may feel a bit confused. That is completely normal and chances are your surrogate has experienced similar emotions. When you have questions about contact or building relationships, call your case specialist. She deals with all sorts of relationships and probably knows how best to proceed forward.

Kelly Enders-Tharp

Kelly Enders-Tharp was a three time gestational surrogate with Growing Generations. Afterwards, she joined GG as their Marketing and Admissions Specialist.