How to Find a Surrogate

Individuals and couples have more than one path to parenthood when it comes to finding a surrogate. While you may try to find a surrogate on your own, you can also turn to an agency to match you with one and guide you through the entire process. Time, money and available resources will help you decide the course of action that is right for you.

Surrogacy Agency vs. Going Solo

Surrogacy Agency: Not all surrogacy agencies are created equal. However, trusted agencies such as Growing Generations partner with intended parents for a hands-on process that usually takes 15 to 20 months. Through our surrogacy and egg donation programs, we can help you become a parent through intention. The most important benefit of working with our agency is the more than 20 years of experience and expertise we bring to the table. From our surrogate screening process that only accepts 1 percent of the women who apply to the support we provide weeks after the delivery, we work with intended parents to keep the process moving forward. We will share all costs associated with working with our agency so you’ll have a full picture on how to budget, and our personalized matching process will save you time. We are always available to guide you through our six-step process.

Going Solo: Finding a surrogate on your own can cost less because you’re not paying agency fees. You also may create a more intimate connection to your surrogate should you find one through your personal network. However, you’ll want to make sure you understand how much time goes into the process before taking on the responsibility. From finding a surrogate through advertising – if you don’t have a friend or family member willing to carry your child – to screening the surrogate and finding legal counsel to draw up all necessary paperwork, the process can take more time and money than it may appear at first. Don’t forget that you’ll need to coordinate with a fertility clinic and make sure you have the proper support through counseling.

Choosing A Surrogate

Whether you’re using an agency or handling the process on your own, choosing a surrogate is an important and exciting step toward building or growing your family. When weighing your options for a surrogate, consider:

  • If she has had a baby of her own or been a surrogate before.
  • If she can pass medical screenings.
  • Whether she is financially self-supporting.
  • If she is emotionally ready to commit to the process.
  • If her state of residence is surrogate-friendly.

The Growing Generations Matching Process

Considered one of the most exciting parts of the process, matching with a surrogate is a big step toward you becoming a parent. After being matched through our highly personalized process, you’ll have a “match meeting” in person or via video before moving to the legal process and embryo transfer.

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for intended parents, surrogates and donors. She is the co-owner of Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019) as well as the children's book You Began as a Wish (Independent Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. She has two adult daughters.