Trust & Your Surrogate

Of all of the things you will need in order to have a successful surrogacy journey, the most important of them all is an open, trusting relationship with your surrogate.

Trust is a mutual gift that you share with each other.

A healthy relationship stems from clear and articulated expectations. Boundaries are also an essential component of any relationship, including the surrogacy relationship. It is completely appropriate to talk with your surrogate and agree upon how much and what kind of communication you both want.

Developing trust is a process that happens naturally and slowly. Good ways to develop a trusting relationship are contact your surrogate as often as you and she are comfortable. Most surrogates invite conversations with intended parents and are entirely open to communicating regularly and sharing their lives with you. Start by initiating contact, or at least replying to her invitations to contact you in a timely manner.

Asking open ended questions or offering up a funny story from your week are great ways to keep the conversation going. Showing a genuine interest in your surrogate, her family, and her life is a great building block for establishing trust from the beginning. Growing Generations’ recommendation: take it slow, be warm and authentic and have good boundaries. 

Growing Generations has found that the best surrogacy relationships have trust, communication, appropriate boundaries and flexibility. Because the surrogacy process takes over a year, it’s important to remain flexible. Your surrogate has a full life outside of the surrogacy, which includes her own children, her partner and her job. It is important to keep these in mind when forming expectations. There may be times when your surrogate cannot respond immediately to a phone call or an email, but be assured that she is still taking good care of her body and your baby.

By sharing yourself and your trust with your surrogate, you may watch a deep bond develop between your surrogate and your family. In many cases this bond becomes a lifelong friendship that continues to flourish even after the surrogacy. While not all relationships will travel that path, we do notice that those who have the best experiences and relationships are all based on the development of a mutual trust.

Teo Martinez

Teo Martinez is the CEO of Growing Generations, a surrogacy and egg donation agency headquartered in Los Angeles, CA. Educated at both UCLA and Pepperdine University, and with over 15 years of experience working in assisted reproduction, Teo’s background makes him one of the most experienced and accomplished professionals in the field.