When & How to Announce Baby News When Using IVF


The choice of when to share your pregnancy news with those around you is a moment so many parents-to-be dream about for years. When you’re becoming a parent through surrogacy, sometimes this announcement takes on new levels of planning. Intended parents may also feel nervous or stressed about sharing their news because they aren’t sure how others around them will react. There are a few different approaches intended parents take when sharing their big news.

Early Reporting

It can be hard to keep such happy news a secret, especially when the road to pregnancy for most intended parents has been such a long one. Some intended parents feel that sharing the news of a positive pregnancy test early allows friends and family to share in their initial excitement and provides them with support and empathy from those around them.

After the First Trimester

Many intended parents wait until the twelfth week of pregnancy to share their pregnancy news, as the rate of miscarriage drops dramatically from this point on. Many parents-to-be may also wait until after the first-trimester screening is complete. Intended parents in this category generally feel as though withholding the news of a pregnancy until it appears to be viable provides them a safety net in the unfortunate event of a first-trimester miscarriage.

Waiting Until the Third Trimester or Birth

Finally, some parents choose to wait to share the news of their pregnancy until late in the third trimester or even until after the birth. This choice is made for a variety of personal reasons, and a late reveal is an option uniquely available to parents through surrogacy.

What is important to remember is that there is no singular “right” time to share your pregnancy news. The right time for one parent may not be ideal at all for another. You’ll need to balance your desires for privacy, support, and inclusion as you decide when you want to share. This announcement is just the first of many new decisions that you’ll need to make from the heart.

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for intended parents, surrogates and donors. She is the co-owner of Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019) as well as the children's book You Began as a Wish (Independent Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. She has two adult daughters.