When to Share Your Big News

179707412-couple-getty-HRBecoming pregnant is a big deal. When pregnancy is achieved through surrogacy it can be an even bigger deal. Despite your unique conception story, you now get to make the first tough decision of the pregnancy; when to tell your friends that someone else is carrying your child! Here’s a look at when many intended parents choose to share their good news.

Early Reporters

Some intended parents feel that sharing the news of a positive pregnancy test early on allows friends and family to share in that initial excitement that they’re experiencing. It can be hard to keep such happy news a secret, especially when the road to pregnancy for most parents via surrogacy has been such a long one. Sharing your news early also entitles you to support early on and perhaps even a bit of empathy over those new emotions and stresses that may be taking a toll on your life already.

Close of the First Trimester

Another common time to share news is at the close of the first trimester. Many intended parents wait until the 12th week of pregnancy as the rate of miscarriage drops dramatically from this point on. Parents in this category generally feel as though withholding the news of a pregnancy until it appears to be very viable enables them a safety net in the unfortunate event of a first trimester miscarriage. Additionally, many parents to be wait until late first trimester genetic tests have been done to share their news. This option allows for some time to keep the news just between yourself and sharing your news with friends and family.

Late Bloomers

Finally, some parents choose to wait to share the news of their pregnancy until late in the third trimester, or even until after the birth. This choice is generally made by parents who are not wanting to face criticism or unsolicited advice during the pregnancy process. A late reveal is an option uniquely available to parents of surrogacy, as a third trimester belly is very hard to hide!

What is important to remember is that there is no singular “right” time for sharing your big news. The right time for one parent may not be ideal at all for another. This announcement is just the first of many new decisions that you’ll need to make from the heart.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: An Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Red Wheel Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.