Why Would a Woman Become a Surrogate?

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It’s a question we hear often, and it’s not a surprising either. Our surrogates are motivated to become surrogates for a great many reasons, but nearly all of them tell us, they become surrogates out of altruistic origins. They want to give the gift of family to someone who is unable to do this for themselves. They often feel as though if they are able to help someone, they should. The goal of this journey is building your family and giving you a child.

Every single Growing Generations surrogate is a mother, and in some cases done growing her own family. This means she has already gone through pregnancy and birth, and she understands just how special babies are and how important family is.

Gestational surrogates bear no genetic link to the child they are carrying. This lack of biological connection also contributes to a lack of an emotional maternal link to the child. Dr. Kim Bergman explains, “Surrogates see themselves as basically babysitting your baby, inside their body. They are crystal clear that the baby they are carrying is not theirs and can’t wait to see you holding your baby at the end of the journey”. As the process moves forward, a sense of pride, self-worth, and accomplishment begins to grow in these women. There are intensely proud of the choices they’ve made to help you grow your family.

Surrogates also realize that surrogacy can be financially helpful to their families. Many use the compensation from the surrogacy to start their own business, go back to school, put a down payment on a home, or pay off debt. This compensation opens doors for them that may have otherwise remained closed. As a result, these women are often as grateful to you as you are to them.

When you pair the desire to help others, pride, lack of genetic and emotional connection to your child, and financial compensation, it becomes easy to understand how surrogates quite easily and naturally send your baby home with you at the end of the journey. Surrogates respect family and life, they’re on your team by choice, and they want to work with you towards your goal of having a family.

In over 20 years of operation, Growing Generations has never had a surrogate change her mind, talk about changing her mind, or need to be talked out of changing her mind, never, not once. This is due in part because of our extremely thorough psychological and medical screening process and because the women who become surrogates are serious about helping someone else have a family.


Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for intended parents, surrogates and donors. She is the co-owner of Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019) as well as the children's book You Began as a Wish (Independent Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. She has two adult daughters.