Why Would a Woman Become a Surrogate?

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It’s a question we hear often, especially from our international intended parents. It’s not a surprising concern, either. We understand that many of our international parents live in places where commercial surrogacy either has unfavorable laws or, in some cases, can be outright illegal. These complex legal realities can brew concerns about parents’ securing legal rights to their child.

First things first. In nearly 20 years of operation, Growing Generations has never had a surrogate change her mind, talk about changing her mind, or need to be talked out of changing her mind, never, not once.  This is due in part to our extremely thorough screening process and surrogate selection, but also because the women who become surrogates are serious about helping someone have a family.

Gestational surrogates bear no genetic link to the child. This lack of biological connection also contributes to a lack of an emotional maternal link to the child. Dr. Kim Bergman explains, “Surrogates see themselves as basically babysitting your baby, inside their body. They are crystal clear that the baby they are carrying is not theirs and can’t wait to see you holding your baby at the end of the journey”.

Our surrogates are motivated to become surrogates for a great many reasons, but nearly all of them tell us they become surrogates out of altruistic origins. They want to give the gift of family to someone who is unable to do this for themselves. They often feel as though if they are able to help someone, they should.

As the process moves forward, a sense of pride, self-worth and accomplishment begins to grow in these women. There are intensely proud of the choices they have made to help you grow your family. The goal of this journey is building your family, giving you a child. Changing their mind about relinquishing the child would sabotage the very thing they’re working towards. It would crash the pride they’re building.

These women also realize that surrogacy can be financially helpful to their families. Many use the compensation from the surrogacy to start their own business, go back to school, put a down payment on a home or pay off debt. This compensation opens doors for them that may have otherwise remained closed. As a result, these women are often as grateful to you as you are to them.

Every single Growing Generations surrogate is a mother, and in most cases done growing her own family. This means she already has gone through pregnancy and birth and has understands just how special babies are and how important family is.

When you pair the altruism, pride, and lack of genetic and emotional connection to your child, it becomes easy to understand how surrogates quite easily and naturally send your baby home with you at the end of the journey. Surrogates respect family and life. They’re on your team by choice, and want to work with you towards your goal of having a family.

Dr. Kim Bergman

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the upcoming book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. Her two daughters are in college.