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Embarking on a surrogacy journey is an impactful decision, not only for a surrogate but also for her entire family, including her children. Sharing the experience of surrogacy with your children is an opportunity to teach them about compassion, generosity, and the beauty of helping others forge their path to parenthood. When discussing your surrogacy journey with your children, keep in mind that it requires sensitivity and age-appropriate communication.


Before we explore some helpful tips for navigating this conversation and involving children in the surrogacy process in a positive and enriching way, it is important to recognize that this will impact your entire family dynamic. From attending medical appointments to experiencing the emotional journey alongside you, children may have varying reactions and emotions throughout the surrogacy process. Being mindful of these changes and addressing them openly can foster a supportive environment for everyone involved.


Here are some tips for discussing surrogacy with children:

1. Read age-appropriate books about the topic.

Introducing children to the concept of surrogacy through age-appropriate books is an effective way to initiate and address any questions or concerns they may have. Look for children’s books that explain surrogacy in a simple yet sensitive manner, emphasizing the idea of helping another family have a baby. You can start with some of our suggested titles here.

2. Explain why you’re helping another family have a baby.

It is important for your children to understand your decision to become a surrogate. Explain the reasons behind your decision. Emphasize the importance of empathy, compassion, and the desire to make a positive impact on another family’s life. Remember to reassure your children that your love for them remains unchanged and explain to them that surrogacy is a way to extend that love to others.

3. Show children pictures of the intended parents after you’ve matched, and include them in communications.

Once you’ve matched with intended parents, involve your children by showing them photos of the intended parents and maybe sharing some stories about them. Forging a personal connection can help children understand the real people behind the surrogacy journey. This can foster a sense of excitement and involvement.

4. Let your children choose a special toy for the baby before the birth.

Involve your children in the preparation for the baby’s arrival. This can be an exciting and meaningful experience for them. Allow your children to choose a special toy or gift for the baby. This gesture reinforces the idea of generosity and inclusion in the surrogacy process.

5. Provide language for your children if friends or family members ask them about surrogacy.

Prepare your children for potential questions from friends and family members about surrogacy by providing age-appropriate language and explanations. Encourage open communication and answer all their questions. Empower your children to share their experiences and feelings about surrogacy with confidence.

6. Prepare your children to say goodbye to the baby.

Though confidentiality is important, it is also important for your children to have the opportunity to meet the baby and say goodbye after delivery. Have an open and honest conversation with the intended parents and ask their permission to facilitate this process. Having your children say goodbye will allow them to see the end result of your surrogacy journey and give them a sense of closure.

Discussing surrogacy with your children is an opportunity to teach them valuable lessons about empathy, kindness, and the importance of helping others. By approaching the conversation with sensitivity and openness, you can involve your children in the surrogacy process in a positive and enriching way, fostering compassion and understanding within your family. Remember to listen to your children’s thoughts and feelings and reassure them of your unwavering love and support throughout the surrogacy journey.

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