Growing Generations knows the first meeting between a surrogate and intended parent(s) can feel much like a blind date. It’s normal for those on both sides to feel nervous or anxious leading up to the event – whether it’s via videoconference or in person.   Here are some tips for that first of many meetings you’ll have along the surrogacy journey.             

• Take time to prepare. Before the meeting, do your due diligence to read over your surrogate’s profile and come up with a list of questions you’d like to ask. These can be lighthearted or more serious questions about topics such as carrying multiples. Discuss your ideas with your partner and/or support network, then write them down to have with you during the meeting. If you’re planning a video call, make sure you have a strong internet connection to avoid the awkward technology issues that may occur at the beginning if your call drops.

• Think about communication etiquette. Be thoughtful about the way you ask questions and what you decide to talk about. If you’re working through an agency such as Growing Generations, there is no reason to discuss finances or medical advice during a match meeting. It’s important to trust your surrogate and the expert guidance of their doctors and agency. Instead, ask questions about family, lifestyle, hobbies and what motivated them to be a part of this journey.

• Don’t do all the talking. You may get nervous and start rambling during the conversation. However, remember they want to get to know you as well. Invite them to ask you questions and be prepared to share information and stories about yourself.

• Set expectations for the future. This is the perfect time to create communication expectations. Will you chat weekly or monthly? Do you plan to have phone calls or in-person visits? Will the surrogate send pictures of her progress? You might even ask about post-birth communication. Think through your expectations before the meeting, and be prepared to compromise as needed.

• Remember what’s been happening behind the scenes. The surrogate you are about to meet has not been paired with you by accident. Our highly personalized application and matching process has led to this moment based on your profiles and desires for this process. With that in mind, you can breathe easier knowing that you’ll be speaking with someone who is invested in this journey just like you are. They have passed many screenings – an extensive application, interviews, psychological evaluations, a medical examination by an in vitro fertilization specialist, a criminal background check and a drug, nicotine and infectious disease screening – to get to this point. Simply focus on getting to know one another to confirm if you would like to proceed together. If not, we have a Match Guarantee Program.

Every match meeting doesn’t look the same, so these tips are just a guide to help you get started on a successful conversation. Remember that you can be yourself and don’t need to put on a show.

At Growing Generations, we guide surrogates and intended parents through ethical surrogacy to ensure healthy outcomes for our surrogates, intended parents, and their families. The idea that surrogates are uneducated and financially unstable women who are being led into an arrangement that they would not otherwise choose is common. When surrogacy is done properly these things are objectively not true, and these ideas can be deeply offensive to a woman who is motivated to help change lives.

When entering the world of surrogacy, you’ll hear about two main types: altruistic surrogacy and commercial surrogacy. The main distinguishing factor of altruistic surrogacy is that no monetary compensation is offered to the surrogate. Other than that, there are no significant differences between the two types of surrogacy.

ALTRUISTIC MOTIVES FOR COMMERCIAL SURROGACY

Commercial surrogacy includes monetary compensation and a contract between surrogates and intended parents who don’t usually have a prior relationship. While many people believe commercial surrogacy commoditizes women, we believe that surrogacy can be both altruistic and commercial at the same time. We deeply respect all of our surrogates at Growing Generations and believe they are some of the most incredible women we’ve ever met. So, it’s important that we dispel the misconception that surrogacy is about commoditization. 

COMMERCIAL SURROGACY WITH ETHICS

In reality, surrogacy is a partnership between several parties of educated, informed, and stable adults working together toward a common goal. This level of informed consent and ethical standards is paramount to surrogacy done well. Our gestational surrogates are women who have become mothers themselves and have enjoyed the process of pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood so much that they wish to give this gift to others. 

SURROGATE PAY

While surrogates in our program receive compensation, the majority of them tell us they would have chosen this journey even if money was not exchanged. It’s important to note that we only work in surrogate-friendly states to avoid legal problems. 

Motivated by altruistic measures, these women are not only seeking fiscal gain. and this is something we investigate  during our in-depth screening process . We screen our surrogates thoroughly, including a review of their income to ensure that financial gains are not a motive for their choice. Our surrogates are women who are financially stable without the added compensation of surrogacy. They do not need this additional income to survive. Additionally, we offer a surrogate compensation package that is competitive but not excessive. 

SURROGATE SCREENING & CONSENT

Beyond simple financial matters, these women are vetted and counseled long before signing any binding paperwork or starting any medications. Our surrogates undergo extensive interviews and psychological evaluations, and they are given the opportunity to ask as many questions as they want before they’re approved to join our program. Surrogates can back out of an agreement at any time before becoming pregnant. We don’t force women to follow through with becoming pregnant if they change their mind. While this rarely happens, thanks in large part to proper screening, it eliminates any concerns over coercion. 

SURROGATE AGREEMENT CONTRACTS

All parties receive their own legal representative to ensure that everyone’s needs can be addressed and considered before moving forward with a binding contract. This ensures that, even if the surrogate is not fluent in legal jargon, she understands what she is agreeing to and has the opportunity to have those requests amended or even removed from her contract before moving forward. You can learn more about the legal aspects of surrogacy in our related blog post.

SURROGATE TESTIMONIALS

A growing family and the gift of a child are always worth celebrating – whether formed through altruistic or commercial surrogacy. When surrogate applicants are properly screened and vetted, the outcome is nothing short of awe-inspiring. Ethical surrogacy is a shining example of the mountains that can be moved when adults are informed, respectful, and working together toward a common goal. Each Growing Generations surrogate shares a goal of building families, but no two surrogates are the same. Here’s a look into the lives and experiences of these extraordinary people.

"Thank you for this incredible opportunity you’ve given me! Being a surrogate has been one of the most fulfilling things in my life and I cannot imagine doing any of this without you. Your support has been incredible and it means the world to me. I could never thank you enough!" 

- Christina S.

"Thank you seems like such a small thing to say for how much I feel.  How do you thank people for helping me with one of the GREATEST experiences of my life!  You each treated me like I was the most important person in your care." 

-Jennifer

BECOME A SURROGATE

If you're thinking about becoming a surrogate, know that Growing Generations is here to support you. You can get in touch with us online to learn more or complete an application to get started.

Did you know your surrogate is already “pregnant” before an embryo transfer even happens? It can be hard to comprehend, but that it is the reality of IVF pregnancies. Keep reading to learn more about embryo stages and development during the IVF process.

GESTATIONAL AGE 

In a traditional pregnancy, gestational age is determined based on the day of ovulation. Fertilization and implantation of the embryo typically occurs about two weeks later. 

In the case of IVF, and specifically gestational surrogacy, pregnancy works a bit differently. The eggs that will eventually become embryos are not allowed to travel from the ovary into the uterus to await fertilization. Instead, the eggs are retrieved, either from an intended mother or egg donor, directly from the ovary before they are released. This happens two weeks into a woman’s typical 28-day menstrual cycle. 

We talk more about this process in our related blog post.

GROWTH & EVALUATION

Those eggs are then fertilized outside of the body and allowed to begin growing. A reproductive endocrinologist closely monitors the cell multiplication over the next several days, tracking the stages of embryo development at the IVF lab. 

In the case of a planned fresh embryo transfer, the eggs will then be transferred into an awaiting uterus on either day 3, 5, or 6 of external development. In the case of a planned frozen embryo transfer, the embryos are typically frozen, thawed and transferred on day 5 of development.

In the meantime, the recipient of the embryo will be on a hormone therapy regimen that will cause their body to mirror where it would be in a non medicated cycle. This process allows doctors to create the ideal environment for the embryos to implant and grow before moving forward with the transfer.

EMBRYO TRANSFER

With this in mind, the embryo recipient walks into the fertility clinic on transfer day 2 weeks “pregnant” before the transfer even occurs. During the transfer, the doctor will migrate the embryo or embryos into the awaiting uterus. At the conclusion of the transfer, the recipient is said to be 2 weeks plus the age of the embryo pregnant. If a 5-day blastocyst was transferred, the recipient will walk out of the clinic 2 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

PREGNANCY STAGE

The term “pregnant” is relative to whether the embryos actually implant and continue to develop. A pregnancy test, which will consist of a blood test, will generally be done 10 to 12 days after the embryo transfer. If the result of the pregnancy test is positive, your surrogate will be somewhere between 4 weeks 3 days to 5 weeks pregnant. 

Around the 10-week mark, your surrogate will be released to the care of an obstetrician and the pregnancy will follow the course of a traditional pregnancy.

To learn more about surrogacy and IVF pregnancy, contact Growing Generations online. If you are considering growing your family with surrogacy, apply today.

Choosing how to feed your newborn is an important decision for every parent. Whether you hope to provide breast milk for your newborn or you’ve decided that formula is a better fit, there is no “right or wrong” answer. 

For parents through surrogacy and the surrogates who help them, the decision to receive and provide breast milk must be made as a team. One that depends, in part, on a surrogate’s familiarity and comfort level with breastfeeding and/or pumping. 

At Growing Generations, we know there’s a lot to consider on the topic. That’s why we decided to get firsthand perspectives from a few of our experienced surrogates through a casual conversation about the decision-making process, helpful preparations, complications, and much more.

BREASTMILK FOR SURROGATE BABIES: MAKING THE DECISION

For some surrogates, the choice to pump for their intended parents was an easy one. Knowing how passionately they felt about wanting breast milk for their own babies, they understood the personal desire their intended parents would potentially have. For others, they know that pumping breast milk will not reasonably fit into their lifestyle, they experienced challenges when breastfeeding their own children, or perhaps they aren’t sure but are willing to give it a try. Pumping takes up a lot of time, energy, and commitment, making it essential to think through the process and prepare for it in advance.

PREPARING TO PUMP

So, you’ve decided to pump, how should you prepare? 

• Kelly, a three-time surrogate with Growing Generations, made sure to have her breast shields, nursing bras, and a hospital-grade pump ready to go. 

• Jodie, a two-time surrogate, did her best to load up on shields with different nipple sizes because she knew that nipple size can change after giving birth. 

These are wonderful ways to prepare for pumping after birth, but sometimes complications arise that a surrogate isn’t prepared for. Although Jodie was thoroughly prepared for her pumping journey after giving birth, she, unfortunately, ended up developing mastitis (an infection of a clogged milk duct). This can cause a lot of pain and frustration when trying to pump, so her journey was not as smooth as she anticipated. Even though her doctor recommended she quit pumping during her first journey, it didn’t stop her from trying again (and succeeding) her second time around.

Connie, who is also a two-time surrogate with Growing Generations, experienced quite a lot of difficulty with one of her journeys. She had a difficult delivery and pumping right after giving birth seemed almost impossible. Instead, she did the best thing she could’ve possibly done in the given situation: She stayed patient with the complications and gave herself grace. She knew her milk would naturally come in a few days later without having to push her body too hard by attempting to pump right away, ultimately letting her body rest when it needed it the most.

TO LATCH OR NOT TO LATCH: IS BREASTFEDING RIGHT FOR THE SURROGATE AND INTENDED PARENTS?

Another decision that may be made between surrogates and intended parents, is whether the parents would like the baby to directly latch onto the breast to feed. This, of course, is another group decision, and it's an important part of your post-birth relationship. It is very important for both parties to be completely comfortable with the idea of the surrogate breastfeeding before proceeding. 

One common concern for surrogates and intended parents is that directly breastfeeding the baby could create a bond that was not felt during pregnancy. This was something Kelly considered in her first journey, but when she and her intended parents made the decision to try it out, she described the feeling as “feeding a friend’s kid,” and she felt no attachment. Although Kelly didn’t experience the feeling of a bond being formed while feeding, her feelings about the process were openly expressed.

TRANSITIONING HOME: SHIPPING BREASTMILK FOR SURROGATE BABIES

The length of time intended parents want to receive breast milk for their baby varies. If all goes well, they will receive breast milk for an agreed time period after the birth. 

Pumping & Shipping Breast Milk

If a surrogate does not live within driving distance to the intended parents, the delivery process consists of:

• Pumping

• Freezing the milk

• Storing the frozen bags in a cooler with a cooling agent

• Placing the cooler in a box to ship to the parents’ location

 

Shipping breast milk shouldn’t take more than 48 hours to ensure the milk maintains the proper temperature. 

Surrogates receive weekly compensation for these efforts, regardless of the amount of milk, and they are reimbursed for their shipping supplies, all of which can be conveniently purchased online.

Pumping Schedules & Supplies

Kelly, Connie, and Jodie all agree that setting up a pumping schedule is key, especially when life starts to get back to its normal pace. Ensuring you have plenty of supplies on hand and a plan for shipping breast milk to the intended parents are equally as important. 

Weaning Off the Pump

When it’s time for a surrogate to break up with her pump, it can be difficult to quit cold turkey. Instead, surrogates have found it to be much more beneficial to taper down on sessions. Whether that looks like skipping every other pumping session or pumping for less and less time, a slow transition can be a good way to wean off the pump.

OTHER FEEDING AVENUES

Sometimes a surrogate’s breast milk is not a part of the journey, and that’s perfectly fine. There are many reasons this may not be the preferred option, and all are valid. It’s truly a personal choice and one that should be respected.

Breast Milk Banks

If a family wants to utilize breast milk but the surrogate is not comfortable with the idea or is not able to produce breast milk, intended parents have a few options. Women who have an excess supply of breast milk sometimes choose to donate it to milk banks for other families. The best way to go about this option would be to contact a reputable, local milk bank to find out how their process works. 

Other Surrogates

It is also possible to find a surrogate whose intended parents are not interested in receiving breast milk. If she wants to pump for a different family, we can connect them. Intended parents are also encouraged to share their desire to use breast milk at the beginning of their surrogacy journey; that way it can be a goal to be matched with a surrogate who is open to providing it.

Intended Mother Breastfeeding

Some intended mothers would love to experience feeding their baby, to which we say go for it! Something incredible about the human body is that breasts have the ability to produce milk even if a pregnancy has never occurred. Inducing lactation can be achieved for some people through alternative means. The best way for someone to go about breastfeeding this way would be to talk to their doctor about how best to achieve lactation and whether the process is a healthy option for them.

YOU’VE GOT THIS!

Growing Generations is here to facilitate conversations around breastfeeding and breast milk. We have a comprehensive help guide we can share with you and are here to ensure your journey, whether as a surrogate or a parent, is never walked alone. Feel free to reach out to us online or call us at 323.965.7500.

Choosing an egg donor is an exciting and important decision. Intended parents consider many attributes before coming to a final decision, and among them are a donor’s thoughts and feelings about future contact with any offspring created from their donation.

An openness to future contact most often stems from a parent’s desire to provide their child with access to current medical and family history information. In addition, many intended parents are interested in making sure their child has access to information that will allow them to understand who they are and where they came from.

Growing Generations has created our donor profiles with this in mind—to help supplement the need for future contact as the only way by which donor-conceived people can understand who they are and where they came from. It's why we offer extensive photo galleries and videos of each donor.

However, some intended parents have a strong desire for their donor to be open to future contact from offspring in addition to the profile they’ll have. Many donors are comfortable with the concept, but like intended parents, they want to understand how future contact is managed.

Thanks to The Donor Sibling Registry (DSR), we’re able to refer our intended parents and egg donors to an independent registry where future contact can be initiated without revealing full contact details for any party. DSR is a website facilitating safe, direct contact with an egg or sperm donor. It was created to bridge the gap between seeking information and forming genetic connections for those conceived via assisted reproduction.

Not only does DSR give people the potential to ask questions about where they come from or characteristics they’ve inherited, but it can also serve as a tool for those desiring information about family medical history. Modern-day DNA tests can only supply a limited amount of information. Obtaining answers to donor-specific questions can be reassuring, especially when the questions are so personal and details may feel unattainable.

Using DSR is simple. Users create a profile they use to post to the database or search for potential connections. There is also a search engine where people can look for connections using keywords, donor information, and facility information. If a connection occurs among the 78,000+ registered members, users have the option to upgrade their membership. Paid members can interact and communicate with connections they've made. The best part? All parties can do this without sacrificing personal privacy, because DSR works like a virtual post office box. It’s a non-intrusive option for those looking for answers to interpersonal questions.

If intended parents and their chosen egg donor agree to future contact, most often a provision will be added to their legal contract.

In 2021, Growing Generations announced its partnership with Mitera, a group of California-based maternal-fetal subspecialist and reproductive health counselors operating via telehealth. Dr. Kathy Salari, co-founder and Chief Medical Officer of Mitera, kindly answered some commonly asked questions on surrogacy. She is a maternal-fetal medicine subspecialist, specializing in caring for high-risk pregnancies. Reproductive genetics and fetal imaging are the primary focus of her clinical work.

WHAT IS MATERNAL-FETAL MEDICINE (MFM)? HOW DOES IT HELP WITH THE SURROGACY PROCESS?

Maternal-Fetal Medicine is a subspecialty of Obstetrics & Gynecology that focuses on the complications of pregnancy. As the expert in conditions that can negatively affect the fetus and the pregnant individual, an MFM physician is uniquely qualified to assess the medical profile of a surrogacy candidate. Furthermore, involvement of an MFM in the surrogacy process allows for a more robust dialogue and an educational opportunity for all those involved in third party reproduction.

AS A FIRST-TIME INTENDED PARENT, WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR IN A SURROGACY AGENCY? WHAT QUESTIONS SHOULD I ASK WHEN TALKING TO EACH AGENCY?

First-time intended parents are likely to feel overwhelmed when searching for a surrogacy agency. An agency that is transparent and forthcoming about their surrogacy selection and matching process is more likely to exercise prudence in ensuring appropriate candidates are selected to serve as surrogates. Intended parents should inquire about specifics regarding the medical and psychological clearance process and what type of healthcare professionals are involved in determining a candidate’s health profile. Furthermore, intended parents should inquire as to the nature of medical oversight provided for their pregnancy and to what medical experts, they will have access should complications arise.

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE MOST COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT SURROGACY?

When starting their surrogacy journey, many intended parents assume that surrogates have undergone extensive medical and obstetrical screening and are considered good candidates with a low risk for pregnancy complications.

WHAT RECOMMENDATIONS CAN YOU SHARE WITH FIRST TIME SURROGATES?

As advocates of women’s health, we generally encourage surrogates to ask questions about pregnancy, the IVF process, and to have any concerns about their own medical history addressed. We also encourage surrogates to have open discussions with their intended family regarding their expectation for the surrogacy journey.

WHAT ARE FACTORS THAT CAN DISQUALIFY YOU FROM BEING A SURROGATE?

Factors that can disqualify an individual from surrogacy are varied but may include current or past health conditions that may impact the health of the pregnancy as well as a prior history of obstetrical complications.

HOW DOES EARLY GENETIC SCREENING HELP IN THE SURROGACY PROCESS?

Early genetic screening, either at the time of embryo formation or early in the pregnancy provides early information regarding the health of the fetus. Genetic screening of embryos (also known as preimplantation genetic testing) allows for identification of chromosomally normal embryos; therefore, ensures that the healthiest embryos are transferred to the surrogate. However, genetic screening of embryos is not universally recommended, and it is best for intended parents to discuss pros/cons with their fertility specialist. It is recommended that intended parents have a discussion regarding genetic screening and testing early in their pregnancy. Genetic testing modalities have significantly evolved over the last decade and intended parents should consider what information they value knowing early in their pregnancy.

WHAT ARE SOME CHALLENGES SURROGATES AND INTENDED PARENTS FACE DURING THE SURROGACY PROCESS?

Meeting expectations of both parties in third party reproduction can be challenging. A transparent matching process that promotes open dialogue and discussion among surrogate candidates, intended parents, and healthcare providers helps ensure that a relationship based on mutual trust and respect continues to build as the pregnancy progresses. Unforeseen challenges including medical complications and changes to delivery planning may cause frustration or anxiety for either or both parties involved. In such circumstances, it is best for both surrogates and intended parents to turn to their medical experts for guidance..

WHAT SUCCESSES HAVE YOU SEEN?

The most successful surrogacy journeys we have seen are among well-screened and prepared surrogates who are matched with well-informed intended parents where the mutual goal is to achieve a healthy singleton pregnancy. Agencies with dedicated case workers that are available and attendant to the concerns of both parties usually ensure that the surrogacy journey meets the medical and emotional expectations of all those involved.

WHAT ARE SOME COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT EGG DONATION?

Many intended parents believe that because egg donors are young, there is no risk for a genetic abnormality in the fetus and that egg donors have all undergone extensive medical and genetic screening. Prior to an egg retrieval cycle, egg donors undergo intensive medical screening.

WHAT ARE THE RISKS INVOLVED IN BECOMING AN EGG DONOR?

Egg donation is generally considered very safe. However, it does have small procedure-related risks for the egg donor including a small risk of infection, bleeding, and ovarian hyperstimulation. Risks of using an egg donor are largely related to inheriting the genetic health burden of another individual.

HOW DOES A SURROGACY AGENCY GET CERTIFIED BY MITERA? WHAT ARE THE REQUIREMENTS?

Certification by Mitera is a commitment to medical transparency and responsibility in third-party reproduction. Becoming a Mitera certified agency provides intended parents with the assurance that their surrogate has undergone a comprehensive medical evaluation by a Mitera Maternal-Fetal Medicine subspecialist and that the pregnancy will continue to be under Mitera’s obstetrical surveillance as it progresses. Mitera certification requires that an agency commit to pre-match medical screening of all surrogate candidates with Mitera and that Mitera’s determination of suitability for surrogacy or stipulations for surrogacy be acknowledged and upheld by the agency.