It’s a question we hear often, and it’s not surprising either. Our surrogates are motivated to become surrogates for a great many reasons, but nearly all of them tell us, they become surrogates out of altruistic origins. They want to give the gift of family to someone who is unable to do this for themselves. They often feel as though if they are able to help someone, they should. The goal of this journey is building your family and giving you a child.

Every single Growing Generations surrogate is a mother, and in some cases done growing her own family. This means she has already gone through pregnancy and birth, and she understands just how special babies are and how important family is.

Gestational surrogates, sometimes called gestational carriers, bear no genetic link to the child they are carrying. This lack of biological connection also contributes to a lack of an emotional maternal link to the child. Dr. Kim Bergman explains, “Surrogates see themselves as basically babysitting your baby, inside their body. They are crystal clear that the baby they are carrying is not theirs and can’t wait to see you holding your baby at the end of the journey”. As the process moves forward, a sense of pride, self-worth, and accomplishment begins to grow in these women. They are intensely proud of the choices they've made to help you grow your family.

Surrogates also realize that surrogacy can be financially helpful to their families. Many use the compensation from the surrogacy to start their own business, go back to school, put a down payment on a home, or pay off debt. This compensation opens doors for them that may have otherwise remained closed. As a result, these women are often as grateful to you as you are to them.

When you pair the desire to help others, pride, lack of genetic and emotional connection to your child, and financial compensation, it becomes easy to understand how surrogates quite easily and naturally send your baby home with you at the end of the journey. Surrogates respect family and life, they’re on your team by choice, and they want to work with you towards your goal of having a family.

In nearly 30 years of operation, Growing Generations has never had a surrogate change her mind, talk about changing her mind, or need to be talked out of changing her mind, never, not once. This is due in part because of our extremely thorough psychological and medical screening process and because the women who become surrogates are serious about helping someone else have a family.

Pre and post-birth orders are items of extreme interest in gestational surrogacy. Both assign parentage to the intended parents and remove any rights or obligations from the surrogate. These birth orders can also cause a great deal of stress for both intended parents and surrogates when they’re not properly understood.

In the simplest of terms, a birth order is a legal document assigning parentage to a child. Depending on the state in which your surrogate lives, these documents can be started in the fourth month of pregnancy and are often signed by the seventh month in pre-birth order states. In post-birth order states, intended parents are usually seen in court within three to five days following birth.

The most important thing to understand about the pre-birth order is that while it may be issued by the court prior to the birth, it is not effective until the birth occurs. So, while having this court order signed two to three months prior to the birth may offer you some peace of mind, it is not an absolute necessity and should not cause you distress if early labor occurs before your pre-birth order is finalized. Parentage will be protected by other guardianship documents even if the pre-birth order is not in place at the time of the birth.

Some states do not offer the option of a pre-birth order. These states, post-birth states, do not allow the filing of parentage documents until after the birth of the baby to file parentage documents. In these post-birth order states, there will typically be a court hearing held after the birth, and the intended parents may be required to attend. Even if a hearing is required, know that these hearings are typically a formality and agreed upon easily by the courts as all parties are in agreement over the desired parentage of the child in question.

Court hearings can just as easily be required in states offering pre-birth orders. This reality, paired with the fact that pre-birth orders aren’t considered active until the birth of your child, makes the real-life difference between pre-birth and post-birth order states insignificant. In general, don’t let fear of working with a post-birth state scare you away from someone who could be your ideal surrogate. If you do choose a pre-birth state, everything will work out with or without your pre-birth order in hand at the time of the delivery. Additional questions about birth orders should be directed to the attorney's office helping you establish your parental rights.

As the birth of your baby draws near you may begin to wonder how the relationship you’ve built with your surrogate will change after delivery. The first thing you should know is that the relationship will change. That’s normal. You should also know that no matter how it changes, those changes are okay.

It’s entirely up to you how much access you allow the surrogate and her family to have to you and your baby from now on. Some parents will develop deep friendships with their surrogate and stay in contact with her for years to come. Other parents prefer a blunt separation at the time of birth. Both options are acceptable. In either case, perhaps the best way to say ‘thank you’ is to consider allowing your surrogate the chance to have proper closure.

Understand that just as your entire world changes the instant the baby is born, your surrogate’s world makes a dramatic change as well. In the blink of an eye she goes from being a key player in your family creating world, to an often over looked spectator. Compound this sudden change with the hormone surge that accompanies child birth and you may begin to understand why she is crying and feeling a lot of big emotions all at once. Big emotions and big tears are typical.

Surrogates are not adoptive mothers. They have no biological or maternal emotional link to your child. Your surrogate is not grieving the loss of a child, in fact she’s likely on an emotional high, just like you. Despite this, nearly all surrogates crave a sense of closure and the opportunity to say goodbye to the baby, to her surrogate experience and, potentially, to you.

Take some time aside from the excitement and joy of that precious bundle to ask your surrogate how she’s feeling. Tell her how appreciative you are of the gift she has just given you. Also, allowing her to be a part of the process while in the hospital will go a long way in helping her get that much needed and desired closure.

Small things like sitting with her for lunch, allowing her to give the baby a bottle, talking with her about how the baby is sleeping; these things may seem small and inconsequential to you but when it comes to your surrogate, these small inclusions can mean more than you’ll ever know.

If you’re comfortable, consider allowing your surrogate some access to the new baby. Many surrogates will want to snap a quick photo of themselves with the baby, or maybe with you and the baby, even of their own children with the baby. They may also want to hold the baby.

Even so, many surrogates will not ask for these closure giving photos or cuddles out of fear that you may think she’s changing her mind, or feels attached to your baby. Keep in mind that any access or time you allow your surrogate to spend with your baby will always be in your presence. Your offering to take the picture or to let her hold the baby takes the stress of asking for access away from her, and can feel like the biggest relief in the world. Again, small gestures that show big appreciation.

A healthy dose of empathy and you will navigate the closure of your surrogacy and transition to parenthood with ease. If you ever need help relating or communicating with your surrogate during these coming weeks, don’t be afraid to reach out to your case specialist.

For the safety and health of all involved in egg donation and surrogacy, egg donors are carefully screened—and that includes screening for sexually transmitted diseases and infections. If you're wondering if you can donate eggs if you have (or had) an STD or HIV, this post will explain what you need to know.

FDA-REQUIRED SCREENING

The FDA has created a list of communicable diseases that they require all IVF centers to test for in order to deem a candidate qualified to donate human reproductive tissue—in this case, your eggs. Diseases on this list include: 

• Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV)

• Hepatitis B& C

• Syphilis

• Chlamydia

• Gonorrhea

The FDA gives IVF clinics the ability to screen for additional diseases at will, so from time to time, additional tests may be ordered. 

You can learn more about medical screenings and other concerns on our Egg Donor Requirements page.

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU TEST POSITIVE FOR AN STD?

If your STD screening comes back positive for one or more of these diseases, it can mean a potential end to your journey to egg donation. 

In other cases, this diagnosis will only cause a pause in your donation. Many sexually transmitted diseases are able to be treated and cured with medications from a doctor. STDs in this category include bacterial infections like chlamydia, gonorrhea, and some early stages of syphilis.

In these cases, once the transmission has been treated and cleared, there is no viable reason to deny a donation from this donor. If you find yourself in this situation, we will ask that you have the STD or STI treated and reapply when you have been clear of positive screening for a minimum of one year. 

Any additional questions about STDs and egg donation can be discussed on an individual basis with your admissions specialist during the screening process. Learn more about what to do (and not to do) in the days leading up to your egg donation in our related blog post.

Get Started

If you're ready to become an egg donor, please contact us online or apply today.

By the time an egg donor or IM reaches her retrieval day she very fertile and ready to have upwards of 30 eggs extracted! The idea of something coded as a minor surgical procedure can sound a little scary, but the truth is that this is a very routine in office process that is generally pain free. The donor or IM will be typically scheduled for a morning appointment at the clinic. It is usually a good idea to arrive a bit early in order to fill out any paperwork and have time to ask any questions you may have. As you will be placed under light sedation for the procedure, you should not consume food after midnight on the day of the retrieval. When it is time for the procedure you will be put under light sedation for comfort. The doctor will then use a very small needle, guided by an ultrasound, to retrieve the eggs. The needle is inserted through the vagina where it will pass into the follicles and ovaries. The needle then extracts the eggs with a gentle suction action. The fluid surrounding the eggs is also extracted. After the eggs have been safely captured the needle and ultrasound wand are removed. The entire procedure takes between 15-30 minutes to complete. 

Despite the quick procedure you should plan on spending another two to three hours at the office. The doctor will want you to come out of the light sedation state and monitor you for a while before releasing you. Plan on having someone at the clinic with you in order to drive you home. Once you’re home you are encouraged to spend the rest of the day resting and recovering. You can expect to feel menstrual cramping and to see some light blood spotting when you wipe. If the pain or bleeding become extreme you should call your nurse to let her know what you’re experiencing.  Painful urination, a temperature above 101.0 degrees, fainting or vomiting are all highly unlikely but should also be reported if experienced. Normal activities can typically resume the day following the retrieval. Occasionally the doctor will ask to see you in office one final time following your next period. This is just a precaution to make sure you’ve healed properly.

From time to time, a transferred embryo will implant but fail to lead to a viable pregnancy. Generally, only 10-20% of pregnancies confirmed by either blood test or ultrasound are statistically likely to end in miscarriage. This is likely a very emotional time for both you and your intended parents, but you will need to make the decision on how you will clear your uterus of the placenta and tissue formed during early pregnancy.

In most cases of an early miscarriage or blighted ovum, you will be presented with a few options. The most common options include either a natural miscarriage or a medical dilation and curettage (D&C) procedure. Weighing the benefits of a D&C vs a natural miscarriage is important. Here’s a look at how they differ.

NATURAL MISCARRIAGE

Choosing a natural miscarriage will allow your body to dispel the tissue on its own and without medical intervention. This process will begin naturally, usually within a week of stopping your medications. A natural miscarriage is completed at home and generally includes period-like cramping, some of which may be severe, and bleeding. 

Once you pass the tissue, you will see a doctor to monitor your hormone levels as they naturally lower to a non-pregnancy level. The doctor will also monitor your bleeding levels to ensure that your body dispelled all of the internal tissue appropriately. In the instance that this does not happen or you experience excessive bleeding, you may need to undergo a D&C procedure to complete the clearing of the uterus. Many women choose this natural method as a way to have closure of the end of an intended pregnancy.

D&C PROCEDURE FOR MISCARRIAGE

Occasionally, depending on how many weeks into the pregnancy you were when the fetus stopped growing, you will not have the option of a natural miscarriage. If you choose to have a D&C procedure or it is medically recommended, you will generally be scheduled very quickly after stopping your medications. The procedure is done by a medical professional either in their office, or in some cases, in the outpatient surgery center of your local hospital. While the procedure is medically coded as minor surgery, it is very common and routine for most OB-GYNs. Patients are usually put under general anesthesia so that they will comfortably sleep through the procedure.

PROCEDURE DETAILS

The procedure consists of your doctor using a device to dilate your cervical opening, and then using a sharp instrument, such as a scalpel, or suction to clean out the tissue inside your uterus. The entire process takes under a half-hour, and you will be discharged roughly 2 hours following the procedure. 

RECOVERY

Typical recovery can include light cramping and bleeding, and you’ll generally follow up with your doctor 2 weeks after the procedure. Learn what to expect with your first menstrual cycle after a D&C procedure in our related blog post.

RISKS

You should note that this procedure does carry potential risks, including scarring of the uterus that may make future pregnancies more difficult. Even so, many women elect to complete a D&C to provide quicker closure and swifter recovery. You will be compensated if you choose to have this invasive procedure.

Choosing the best method for you involves many variables. While this is a personal choice, your case specialist, medical nurse, and physician are always ready and willing to help you sort through the decision-making process. Feel free to contact Growing Generations.