The choice to become a surrogate is overwhelmingly exciting! It’s not unusual to be very excited to share your news with your friends and family. In fact, the choice to become a surrogate is rarely one that you can keep 100% secret, as you’ll find that you may need to rely on friends or family as early as the screening phase, since you’re likely to need a babysitter for your screening process.

So, once you’re accepted and matched into our program, how do you know when it’s the best time to share your news with the world? Since it’s probably not ideal or realistic to wait until the birth to share your pregnancy news, you have two simple time frames to choose between. Here are a few things to keep in mind.

EARLY ANNOUNCERS

Most surrogates will choose to go public with their news well before they’re pregnant. This can be beneficial for many reasons. First, it allows the people closest to you the luxury of time. They’ll be able to thoughtfully consider the incredible gift that you’re giving, and they'll have time to come up with any questions they may have for you about the process. You’ll also be able to gather support for the time that you’re on hormone therapy, and it can be helpful if those around you understand why your mood may be a bit off during this time.

MID-PREGNANCY PLANNERS

Other surrogates choose to wait until about halfway through their pregnancy to share the news of their surrogacy. This allows them some privacy from invasive questions and safeguards them against having to tell friends or family about a potential early pregnancy loss. By waiting until the midway point of your pregnancy, you ensure a bit of peace and privacy for your family.

When it comes to telling your boss, delayed sharing allows you to keep the secret a bit longer in the sad possibility of an early miscarriage. Some women also feel as though their bosses would not allow time away from work for important surrogacy appointments or procedures. If this is your situation, feel confident knowing you are not required to tell your boss why you’re missing work for medically related absences.

As for your children, a handful of variables will come into play. Things like your children’s ages, maturity levels, and general awareness all play into choosing when it is best to tell them your surrogacy plans. Here’s a more in-depth look at that decision-making process.

A WORD ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Social media is never secret. Even if your social media accounts have the highest level of security, you’ll find that word can travel pretty quickly. The whole premise of social networking is that it makes it easy to follow the lives of friends and family without direct interaction. We mention this as a reminder that if you’re not ready for your boss, your brother, or your book club to know your news, it’s probably not the time to talk about it on social media.

Selecting an egg donor is an intimate and personal choice. It is a major milestone in your journey toward building or growing a family. When you’re ready to begin the process, it will be important to consider what characteristics and qualities are most important to you and discuss those with your partner and/or social networks.

You’ll also have to decide whether to find an egg donor through personal connections, an agency or social app. Here are a few attributes that many intended parents consider while going through egg donor profiles at Growing Generations.

CONSIDERATIONS WHEN CHOOSING A DONOR

Before creating your checklist, remember that no one is perfect. Keep in mind that it is highly unlikely you will find one donor who meets all of your specifications in every area. Just as with all things in life, choosing your ideal egg donor is a balancing act, so it’s helpful to decide what the most important attributes are in your ideal egg donor and which are more secondary or optional.

WILL THE EGG DONOR BE KNOWN OR UNKNOWN?

Decide whether you prefer an egg donor you know, such as a friend or family member, or someone who is unknown to you. Some intended parents prefer to choose a known donor so that the child will be able to form a relationship with her. Others prefer an unknown donor that an agency or fertility center helps them find. The latter option provides greater confidentiality and simplifies some of the legal issues.

WHAT IS HER MEDICAL BACKGROUND?

In order to do your part in having a child that is healthy and not at risk of hereditary diseases, make sure to have a full medical analysis and screening performed before confirming your egg donor.

WHAT ARE HER PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS?

For many intended parents, choosing a donor who shares their physical traits is important. When going through an agency, you will have a wide selection of women to choose from, so narrowing your preferences can save you time and stress. Factors such as ethnicity, skin tone, height and hair and eye color are common considerations.

WHAT PERSONALITY TRAITS DOES SHE HAVE?

It helps some intended parents to know a little bit about the kind of person their chosen egg donor is. This makes it easier to create a birth story that is empowering and interesting for their child. Your egg donor’s profile will help paint a picture of who she is, including her reasons for becoming an egg donor. This knowledge can help you decide between multiple candidates. IQ test scores are also often shared if the egg donor has taken the test.

DOES SHE HAVE A HISTORY OF DONATING EGGS?

Are you willing to work with a first-time donor, or do you prefer someone who has been through this process before? When working with a previous donor, you may be able to see if she produced a strong amount of viable eggs, and if they resulted in a successful pregnancy.

WORKING WITH AN AGENCY

When you search for an egg donor through Growing Generations, we are hard at work behind the scenes to help you find the right donor. Before an applicant can become an egg donor, she will answer many questions about herself including information on her health history, her family’s health history, if she’s on medication, and if she is a tobacco user. Growing Generations’ egg donors meet strict criteria for acceptance including:

• A BMI lower than 27.5

• Between the ages of 21-30

• No history of inherited cancers

• No familial history of multiple family members with heart disease or heart attack before age 55

• Must pass Sexually Transmitted Infection Screening

• Must pass drug screening

• No psychiatric hospitalizations

Growing Generations knows the first meeting between a surrogate and intended parent(s) can feel much like a blind date. It’s normal for those on both sides to feel nervous or anxious leading up to the event – whether it’s via videoconference or in person.   Here are some tips for that first of many meetings you’ll have along the surrogacy journey.             

• Take time to prepare. Before the meeting, do your due diligence to read over your surrogate’s profile and come up with a list of questions you’d like to ask. These can be lighthearted or more serious questions about topics such as carrying multiples. Discuss your ideas with your partner and/or support network, then write them down to have with you during the meeting. If you’re planning a video call, make sure you have a strong internet connection to avoid the awkward technology issues that may occur at the beginning if your call drops.

• Think about communication etiquette. Be thoughtful about the way you ask questions and what you decide to talk about. If you’re working through an agency such as Growing Generations, there is no reason to discuss finances or medical advice during a match meeting. It’s important to trust your surrogate and the expert guidance of their doctors and agency. Instead, ask questions about family, lifestyle, hobbies and what motivated them to be a part of this journey.

• Don’t do all the talking. You may get nervous and start rambling during the conversation. However, remember they want to get to know you as well. Invite them to ask you questions and be prepared to share information and stories about yourself.

• Set expectations for the future. This is the perfect time to create communication expectations. Will you chat weekly or monthly? Do you plan to have phone calls or in-person visits? Will the surrogate send pictures of her progress? You might even ask about post-birth communication. Think through your expectations before the meeting, and be prepared to compromise as needed.

• Remember what’s been happening behind the scenes. The surrogate you are about to meet has not been paired with you by accident. Our highly personalized application and matching process has led to this moment based on your profiles and desires for this process. With that in mind, you can breathe easier knowing that you’ll be speaking with someone who is invested in this journey just like you are. They have passed many screenings – an extensive application, interviews, psychological evaluations, a medical examination by an in vitro fertilization specialist, a criminal background check and a drug, nicotine and infectious disease screening – to get to this point. Simply focus on getting to know one another to confirm if you would like to proceed together. If not, we have a Match Guarantee Program.

Every match meeting doesn’t look the same, so these tips are just a guide to help you get started on a successful conversation. Remember that you can be yourself and don’t need to put on a show.

At Growing Generations, we guide surrogates and intended parents through ethical surrogacy to ensure healthy outcomes for our surrogates, intended parents, and their families. The idea that surrogates are uneducated and financially unstable women who are being led into an arrangement that they would not otherwise choose is common. When surrogacy is done properly these things are objectively not true, and these ideas can be deeply offensive to a woman who is motivated to help change lives.

When entering the world of surrogacy, you’ll hear about two main types: altruistic surrogacy and commercial surrogacy. The main distinguishing factor of altruistic surrogacy is that no monetary compensation is offered to the surrogate. Other than that, there are no significant differences between the two types of surrogacy.

ALTRUISTIC MOTIVES FOR COMMERCIAL SURROGACY

Commercial surrogacy includes monetary compensation and a contract between surrogates and intended parents who don’t usually have a prior relationship. While many people believe commercial surrogacy commoditizes women, we believe that surrogacy can be both altruistic and commercial at the same time. We deeply respect all of our surrogates at Growing Generations and believe they are some of the most incredible women we’ve ever met. So, it’s important that we dispel the misconception that surrogacy is about commoditization. 

COMMERCIAL SURROGACY WITH ETHICS

In reality, surrogacy is a partnership between several parties of educated, informed, and stable adults working together toward a common goal. This level of informed consent and ethical standards is paramount to surrogacy done well. Our gestational surrogates are women who have become mothers themselves and have enjoyed the process of pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood so much that they wish to give this gift to others. 

SURROGATE PAY

While surrogates in our program receive compensation, the majority of them tell us they would have chosen this journey even if money was not exchanged. It’s important to note that we only work in surrogate-friendly states to avoid legal problems. 

Motivated by altruistic measures, these women are not only seeking fiscal gain. and this is something we investigate  during our in-depth screening process . We screen our surrogates thoroughly, including a review of their income to ensure that financial gains are not a motive for their choice. Our surrogates are women who are financially stable without the added compensation of surrogacy. They do not need this additional income to survive. Additionally, we offer a surrogate compensation package that is competitive but not excessive. 

SURROGATE SCREENING & CONSENT

Beyond simple financial matters, these women are vetted and counseled long before signing any binding paperwork or starting any medications. Our surrogates undergo extensive interviews and psychological evaluations, and they are given the opportunity to ask as many questions as they want before they’re approved to join our program. Surrogates can back out of an agreement at any time before becoming pregnant. We don’t force women to follow through with becoming pregnant if they change their mind. While this rarely happens, thanks in large part to proper screening, it eliminates any concerns over coercion. 

SURROGATE AGREEMENT CONTRACTS

All parties receive their own legal representative to ensure that everyone’s needs can be addressed and considered before moving forward with a binding contract. This ensures that, even if the surrogate is not fluent in legal jargon, she understands what she is agreeing to and has the opportunity to have those requests amended or even removed from her contract before moving forward. You can learn more about the legal aspects of surrogacy in our related blog post.

SURROGATE TESTIMONIALS

A growing family and the gift of a child are always worth celebrating – whether formed through altruistic or commercial surrogacy. When surrogate applicants are properly screened and vetted, the outcome is nothing short of awe-inspiring. Ethical surrogacy is a shining example of the mountains that can be moved when adults are informed, respectful, and working together toward a common goal. Each Growing Generations surrogate shares a goal of building families, but no two surrogates are the same. Here’s a look into the lives and experiences of these extraordinary people.

"Thank you for this incredible opportunity you’ve given me! Being a surrogate has been one of the most fulfilling things in my life and I cannot imagine doing any of this without you. Your support has been incredible and it means the world to me. I could never thank you enough!" 

- Christina S.

"Thank you seems like such a small thing to say for how much I feel.  How do you thank people for helping me with one of the GREATEST experiences of my life!  You each treated me like I was the most important person in your care." 

-Jennifer

BECOME A SURROGATE

If you're thinking about becoming a surrogate, know that Growing Generations is here to support you. You can get in touch with us online to learn more or complete an application to get started.

Did you know your surrogate is already “pregnant” before an embryo transfer even happens? It can be hard to comprehend, but that it is the reality of IVF pregnancies. Keep reading to learn more about embryo stages and development during the IVF process.

GESTATIONAL AGE 

In a traditional pregnancy, gestational age is determined based on the day of ovulation. Fertilization and implantation of the embryo typically occurs about two weeks later. 

In the case of IVF, and specifically gestational surrogacy, pregnancy works a bit differently. The eggs that will eventually become embryos are not allowed to travel from the ovary into the uterus to await fertilization. Instead, the eggs are retrieved, either from an intended mother or egg donor, directly from the ovary before they are released. This happens two weeks into a woman’s typical 28-day menstrual cycle. 

We talk more about this process in our related blog post.

GROWTH & EVALUATION

Those eggs are then fertilized outside of the body and allowed to begin growing. A reproductive endocrinologist closely monitors the cell multiplication over the next several days, tracking the stages of embryo development at the IVF lab. 

In the case of a planned fresh embryo transfer, the eggs will then be transferred into an awaiting uterus on either day 3, 5, or 6 of external development. In the case of a planned frozen embryo transfer, the embryos are typically frozen, thawed and transferred on day 5 of development.

In the meantime, the recipient of the embryo will be on a hormone therapy regimen that will cause their body to mirror where it would be in a non medicated cycle. This process allows doctors to create the ideal environment for the embryos to implant and grow before moving forward with the transfer.

EMBRYO TRANSFER

With this in mind, the embryo recipient walks into the fertility clinic on transfer day 2 weeks “pregnant” before the transfer even occurs. During the transfer, the doctor will migrate the embryo or embryos into the awaiting uterus. At the conclusion of the transfer, the recipient is said to be 2 weeks plus the age of the embryo pregnant. If a 5-day blastocyst was transferred, the recipient will walk out of the clinic 2 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

PREGNANCY STAGE

The term “pregnant” is relative to whether the embryos actually implant and continue to develop. A pregnancy test, which will consist of a blood test, will generally be done 10 to 12 days after the embryo transfer. If the result of the pregnancy test is positive, your surrogate will be somewhere between 4 weeks 3 days to 5 weeks pregnant. 

Around the 10-week mark, your surrogate will be released to the care of an obstetrician and the pregnancy will follow the course of a traditional pregnancy.

To learn more about surrogacy and IVF pregnancy, contact Growing Generations online. If you are considering growing your family with surrogacy, apply today.

Choosing how to feed your newborn is an important decision for every parent. Whether you hope to provide breast milk for your newborn or you’ve decided that formula is a better fit, there is no “right or wrong” answer. 

For parents through surrogacy and the surrogates who help them, the decision to receive and provide breast milk must be made as a team. One that depends, in part, on a surrogate’s familiarity and comfort level with breastfeeding and/or pumping. 

At Growing Generations, we know there’s a lot to consider on the topic. That’s why we decided to get firsthand perspectives from a few of our experienced surrogates through a casual conversation about the decision-making process, helpful preparations, complications, and much more.

BREASTMILK FOR SURROGATE BABIES: MAKING THE DECISION

For some surrogates, the choice to pump for their intended parents was an easy one. Knowing how passionately they felt about wanting breast milk for their own babies, they understood the personal desire their intended parents would potentially have. For others, they know that pumping breast milk will not reasonably fit into their lifestyle, they experienced challenges when breastfeeding their own children, or perhaps they aren’t sure but are willing to give it a try. Pumping takes up a lot of time, energy, and commitment, making it essential to think through the process and prepare for it in advance.

PREPARING TO PUMP

So, you’ve decided to pump, how should you prepare? 

• Kelly, a three-time surrogate with Growing Generations, made sure to have her breast shields, nursing bras, and a hospital-grade pump ready to go. 

• Jodie, a two-time surrogate, did her best to load up on shields with different nipple sizes because she knew that nipple size can change after giving birth. 

These are wonderful ways to prepare for pumping after birth, but sometimes complications arise that a surrogate isn’t prepared for. Although Jodie was thoroughly prepared for her pumping journey after giving birth, she, unfortunately, ended up developing mastitis (an infection of a clogged milk duct). This can cause a lot of pain and frustration when trying to pump, so her journey was not as smooth as she anticipated. Even though her doctor recommended she quit pumping during her first journey, it didn’t stop her from trying again (and succeeding) her second time around.

Connie, who is also a two-time surrogate with Growing Generations, experienced quite a lot of difficulty with one of her journeys. She had a difficult delivery and pumping right after giving birth seemed almost impossible. Instead, she did the best thing she could’ve possibly done in the given situation: She stayed patient with the complications and gave herself grace. She knew her milk would naturally come in a few days later without having to push her body too hard by attempting to pump right away, ultimately letting her body rest when it needed it the most.

TO LATCH OR NOT TO LATCH: IS BREASTFEDING RIGHT FOR THE SURROGATE AND INTENDED PARENTS?

Another decision that may be made between surrogates and intended parents, is whether the parents would like the baby to directly latch onto the breast to feed. This, of course, is another group decision, and it's an important part of your post-birth relationship. It is very important for both parties to be completely comfortable with the idea of the surrogate breastfeeding before proceeding. 

One common concern for surrogates and intended parents is that directly breastfeeding the baby could create a bond that was not felt during pregnancy. This was something Kelly considered in her first journey, but when she and her intended parents made the decision to try it out, she described the feeling as “feeding a friend’s kid,” and she felt no attachment. Although Kelly didn’t experience the feeling of a bond being formed while feeding, her feelings about the process were openly expressed.

TRANSITIONING HOME: SHIPPING BREASTMILK FOR SURROGATE BABIES

The length of time intended parents want to receive breast milk for their baby varies. If all goes well, they will receive breast milk for an agreed time period after the birth. 

Pumping & Shipping Breast Milk

If a surrogate does not live within driving distance to the intended parents, the delivery process consists of:

• Pumping

• Freezing the milk

• Storing the frozen bags in a cooler with a cooling agent

• Placing the cooler in a box to ship to the parents’ location

 

Shipping breast milk shouldn’t take more than 48 hours to ensure the milk maintains the proper temperature. 

Surrogates receive weekly compensation for these efforts, regardless of the amount of milk, and they are reimbursed for their shipping supplies, all of which can be conveniently purchased online.

Pumping Schedules & Supplies

Kelly, Connie, and Jodie all agree that setting up a pumping schedule is key, especially when life starts to get back to its normal pace. Ensuring you have plenty of supplies on hand and a plan for shipping breast milk to the intended parents are equally as important. 

Weaning Off the Pump

When it’s time for a surrogate to break up with her pump, it can be difficult to quit cold turkey. Instead, surrogates have found it to be much more beneficial to taper down on sessions. Whether that looks like skipping every other pumping session or pumping for less and less time, a slow transition can be a good way to wean off the pump.

OTHER FEEDING AVENUES

Sometimes a surrogate’s breast milk is not a part of the journey, and that’s perfectly fine. There are many reasons this may not be the preferred option, and all are valid. It’s truly a personal choice and one that should be respected.

Breast Milk Banks

If a family wants to utilize breast milk but the surrogate is not comfortable with the idea or is not able to produce breast milk, intended parents have a few options. Women who have an excess supply of breast milk sometimes choose to donate it to milk banks for other families. The best way to go about this option would be to contact a reputable, local milk bank to find out how their process works. 

Other Surrogates

It is also possible to find a surrogate whose intended parents are not interested in receiving breast milk. If she wants to pump for a different family, we can connect them. Intended parents are also encouraged to share their desire to use breast milk at the beginning of their surrogacy journey; that way it can be a goal to be matched with a surrogate who is open to providing it.

Intended Mother Breastfeeding

Some intended mothers would love to experience feeding their baby, to which we say go for it! Something incredible about the human body is that breasts have the ability to produce milk even if a pregnancy has never occurred. Inducing lactation can be achieved for some people through alternative means. The best way for someone to go about breastfeeding this way would be to talk to their doctor about how best to achieve lactation and whether the process is a healthy option for them.

YOU’VE GOT THIS!

Growing Generations is here to facilitate conversations around breastfeeding and breast milk. We have a comprehensive help guide we can share with you and are here to ensure your journey, whether as a surrogate or a parent, is never walked alone. Feel free to reach out to us online or call us at 323.965.7500.