How Long Does It Take to Find a Surrogate?

Waiting to be matched with your surrogate can be an exciting time. It can also make intended parents quite anxious as every day can feel like a month. We get it. You’ve made the choice to use a surrogate, taken the plunge, and want to run forward at the speed of light. Even so, we encourage you to bear in mind that it is crucial to a successful journey that we match you with the right surrogate for you, as opposed to any surrogate who is ready to be matched right now. Here’s a look at a few things that can impact how long it takes us to find the right surrogate for you.

We love it when intended parents have a clear idea of who their ideal surrogate will be. Some intended parents want a first-time surrogate who is fresh and doesn’t have previous experiences to compare against the journey you will have together. Other intended parents prefer an experienced surrogate who has already navigated this unique relationship. Additionally, intended parents often have differing opinions on if they’d like a surrogate who is a stay at home mom or a member of the workforce. Some want a surrogate who keeps an all-organic diet, while others aren’t concerned with how she eats. We encourage you to give consideration to what you want in a surrogate candidate and express those desires honestly with our staff.

However, do understand that every limitation you place on your search narrows our field of potential surrogates for you and can increase your wait time. While we absolutely believe it is more important to find the right surrogate than the “right-now” surrogate, we also understand that the speed of your journey matters. There are certain filters that can cause your surrogate search to be delayed more than others. These factors include:

  • Marital status of your surrogate
  • Specific geographic location requests
  • Specific age range beyond our range of 21-40
  • Specific type of health insurance
  • Specific body mass index less than our maximum allowed
  • Employment status
  • Education level

There are also certain things about you and your situation that can cause your matching experience to be a bit longer. These include:

  • Being an HIV-positive client
  • Being a straight couple needing the assistance of an egg donor
  • Due to some state laws, being a gay couple can also slow your matching time.

Once you have created the profile of your ideal surrogate candidate, we will be able to give you an estimated wait time for finding your surrogate. Again, this is just an estimate. We will be actively sending your intended parent profile to surrogates who match your desired traits, but it is the surrogate’s choice to accept or decline your profile. Having your profile accepted can happen right away, or may take several attempts to find that perfect mutual match. That is something we really cannot predict.

We do ask that you’re patient as we actively search for your surrogate. We promise your surrogate will be worth the wait!

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 26 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for over two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for intended parents, surrogates and donors. She is the co-owner of Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national Emeritus board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published “Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood” (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman’s is the author of the book, Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (Conari Press 2019) as well as the children's book You Began as a Wish (Independent Press 2019). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 35 years. She has two adult daughters.