WHAT IS SURROGACY? A COMPLETE GUIDE FOR FIRST-TIME INTENDED PARENTS

Every journey to parenthood is unique. For some, the road takes an unexpected but extraordinary turn. Surrogacy is more than a medical process; it’s an act of generosity, connection, and shared purpose.

If you’ve wanted to grow your family but wondered how to make it possible, this guide will walk you through everything you need to know about surrogacy, how it works, and what to expect every step of the way.

What Is Surrogacy?

Surrogacy is a partnership. It’s an arrangement in which a woman, the surrogate, carries and delivers a baby for intended parents who are unable to carry a pregnancy themselves.

In gestational surrogacy, the most common type of surrogacy today, the baby is not genetically related to the surrogate. Instead, embryos are created through in vitro fertilization (IVF) using the eggs and sperm of the intended parents and/or donors. These embryos are then transferred into the surrogate’s uterus.

Surrogacy can open the door to parenthood for people facing medical infertility, same-sex couples, and single individuals who dream of becoming parents. It is, above all, a process built on trust, respect, and mutual care.

Surrogacy involves a complex legal, medical, and emotional process. It requires the involvement of several professionals, including surrogacy agencies, attorneys, fertility specialists, and psychologists. To help ensure a safe and successful outcome, it is important to work with these professionals.  They will help you understand the surrogacy process and the nature of the journey towards parenthood.

Types of Surrogacy: What’s the Difference?

Surrogacy isn’t one-size-fits-all. Choosing the right type of surrogacy is one of the first and most important decisions you’ll make on your path to parenthood. Each option carries its own medical, emotional, and legal considerations, and understanding the differences will help you make an informed choice that feels right for your family.

Gestational Surrogacy

Gestational surrogacy is the most common form practiced today, mostly because it offers the strongest legal protections and emotional boundaries. In this arrangement, the surrogate becomes pregnant through the transfer of an embryo created via in vitro fertilization (IVF). The embryo is made using eggs and sperm from the intended parents or from donors, meaning the surrogate has no genetic connection to the child she carries.

Because she is not the biological mother, the focus is on her role as a trusted carrier, not as a genetic parent. This helps streamline legal proceedings in most states and minimizes emotional complexity for everyone involved. Gestational surrogacy is used in the vast majority of U.S. surrogacy journeys today and is the model recommended by most reputable agencies and fertility specialists.

Traditional Surrogacy

In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate provides her own egg, making her the child’s biological mother. Conception is achieved either through artificial insemination or IVF, and because she is genetically related to the baby, the legal process is often more complicated.

Some states either heavily restrict or prohibit traditional surrogacy, and in places where it is allowed, establishing legal parentage for the intended parents can take longer and may require additional court proceedings.

For these reasons, it is far less common than gestational surrogacy in modern practice., However, some intended parents choose it when an intended mother cannot produce viable eggs and wish to avoid the use of an anonymous egg donor.

Altruistic vs. Commercial/Compensated

Altruistic surrogacy is often chosen in countries or states where compensated surrogacy is not legal. In this arrangement, the surrogate does not receive payment beyond the reimbursement of pregnancy-related expenses such as medical bills, maternity clothing, and travel for appointments.

Many altruistic surrogacies occur between family members or close friends who have a deep, preexisting bond of trust. While the financial aspect may be reduced, the emotional commitment remains significant, and clear legal agreements are still essential to protect all parties.

On the other hand, in commercial surrogacy, the surrogate receives an agreed-upon base compensation in addition to having her pregnancy-related expenses covered. This compensation reflects the time, physical commitment, and personal sacrifices involved in carrying a child for someone else.

Commercial surrogacy is legal in many, but not all, U.S. states, and the compensation varies depending on the surrogate’s experience, geographic location, and specific circumstances of the pregnancy (such as carrying twins).

For many intended parents, commercial surrogacy offers a wider pool of potential surrogates because it attracts women who may not already have a personal connection to the family but are motivated by both compassion and the financial benefit.

Agency-assisted vs. Independent Surrogacy

Agency-assisted surrogacy means that a professional surrogacy agency coordinates the entire process, from matching intended parents with a surrogate to arranging medical screening, overseeing legal agreements, and offering ongoing emotional support.

Agencies often have established relationships with fertility clinics, attorneys, and insurance providers, creating a smoother, more guided journey. This option is ideal for first-time intended parents who value a structured, step-by-step process with experienced guidance.

Independent surrogacy is when the intended parents and the surrogate connect directly through personal networks, online groups, or word-of-mouth, and coordinate the process themselves. While this option can reduce agency fees, it requires the intended parents and surrogates to take on the administrative work, from arranging medical appointments to finding attorneys and managing communication.

For those already experienced with surrogacy or who have a pre-existing relationship with their surrogate, this can be a viable route. However, for first-time intended parents, independent surrogacy can feel overwhelming without professional support.

Why Intended Parents Choose Surrogacy

There are several reasons why intended parents choose surrogacy as an option to grow their family. Some of the most common reasons are infertility, medical conditions that make carrying a pregnancy dangerous, and same-sex male couples who wish to have a biological child.

Infertility

Infertility is a medical condition that affects many people and can prevent them from having children. Surrogacy can be a good option for couples who are battling infertility because it allows them to have a biological child even if they are unable to carry the pregnancy themselves. It provides hope and a chance for parenthood by allowing for the creation of a biological child using the intended parents' or donors' egg and sperm, which can be implanted in a surrogate’s uterus to carry to term via in vitro fertilization (IVF).

Medical Conditions

Some medical conditions, such as heart disease or diabetes, can make carrying a pregnancy risky or even life-threatening. Surrogacy is a good alternative for people who have medical conditions that make carrying a pregnancy to term dangerous. Surrogacy allows them to have a biological child without putting their health and themselves at risk.

Same-sex Male Couples

During the first successful attempt at gestational surrogacy in 1985, the opportunity was not available to same-sex male couples. We, at Growing Generations, are pioneers in this field, being one of the first agencies to serve gay and single men. Today, through advocacy, dedication and hard work, same-sex couples can realize their dreams of parenthood.

Single Parenting

For single individuals, surrogacy can be the path to becoming a parent without needing a partner.

The Surrogacy Journey: Step-by-Step

While timelines can vary, most surrogacy journeys follow a similar series of stages. Think of them as stepping stones, each one bringing you closer to meeting your path to parenthood.

1. Consultation and eligibility screening

Your journey begins here. You’ll meet with an agency or fertility clinic to share your hopes, review your medical history, and learn the requirements for surrogacy in your state. It’s a chance to ask questions, get clarity, and ensure you’re emotionally and legally ready for the road ahead.

2. Matching with a surrogate

This is one of the most exciting steps in your journey. You will be introduced to a surrogate whose values, lifestyle, and medical history align with the surrogacy requirements. This is the foundation of your partnership, and when that “click” happens, you’ll know you’ve found the right fit. A thoughtful match lays the foundation for a positive and supportive relationship throughout the pregnancy.

3. Legal contracts

Here’s where you turn trust into a binding agreement. Independent attorneys for both sides create detailed contracts outlining everyone’s rights, responsibilities, and expectations. This step ensures that the relationship and the parentage are protected from the very beginning.

4. Post-birth parental orders and transition

The final stage is the birth itself, along with any post-birth legal steps needed to confirm parentage. In many cases, a pre-birth order allows intended parents to be legally recognized before the baby is born, making the moment they leave the hospital with their child seamless and joyful.

Timeline of a Typical Surrogacy Journey

From the first consultation to holding your baby, surrogacy generally takes between 15 and 20 months. The timeline can be shorter or longer depending on factors such as how quickly a surrogate match is found, the legal requirements in your state, and whether more than one IVF cycle is needed.

For example, the first three months are typically dedicated to consultation, screening, and gathering preferences so we can find your ideal surrogate match. The next two to three months focus on legal contracts, medical preparation, and the IVF cycle. Pregnancy lasts roughly nine months, followed by the birth and any final legal steps, bringing the total journey close to two years from start to finish.

Costs & Financial Considerations

Surrogacy is a significant investment, reflecting both the complexity of the process and the dedication of the professionals involved. According the the American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), the average cost of surrogacy is between $120,000 to $250,000.

• Agency fees often range from $20,000 to $40,000 and cover services such as matching, coordination, and ongoing support.

• Surrogate compensation can vary, depending on experience, location, and whether the pregnancy involves multiples. At Growing Generations, the compensation for surrogates ranges between $75,000 and $125,000. By welcoming only the top 2% of qualified candidates, we ensure every surrogate receives exceptional support and care throughout their journey.

• Medical costs, including IVF, medications, and prenatal care, typically run between $15,000 and $30,000.

• Legal fees for both parties generally total $8,000 to $15,000.

• Insurance coverage for the surrogate’s maternity care may cost anywhere from $5,000 to $20,000, depending on whether a healthcare plan, employer coverage, or a specialty policy is used.

Legal Considerations

Surrogacy laws vary widely from state to state. Some states allow pre-birth parentage orders, while others only finalize parentage after delivery.

It is important that both intended parents and the surrogate work with attorneys who specialize in assisted reproduction law to ensure the agreement is valid and enforceable where they live. Independent legal representation for both parties is non-negotiable in a safe, ethical surrogacy journey.

Insurance & Medical Coverage

Insurance coverage for surrogacy can be complex. Some Affordable Care Act (ACA) plans will cover a surrogate’s prenatal care, while others exclude it entirely. Increasingly, employers are offering fertility and surrogacy benefits, which can help offset costs beyond medical expenses, such as agency or legal fees.

Reviewing your insurance options before starting the process can help you plan more effectively.

Success Rates & What Influences Them

Gestational surrogacy is one of the most successful forms of assisted reproduction. Data from the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART) and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) show that when healthy donor eggs are used, success rates can exceed 75% per embryo transfer, an encouraging figure for intended parents eager to grow their family.

Several key factors influence the likelihood of success:

• The age and health of the egg provider are important; eggs from donors under 35 tend to yield higher success rates.

• Advances like preimplantation genetic testing for aneuploidy (PGT-A) can improve the odds by ensuring only chromosomally normal embryos are transferred.

• The surrogate’s reproductive history also matters; women who have carried healthy pregnancies before are more likely to have positive outcomes.

• And perhaps one of the most overlooked factors is the expertise of the fertility clinic—experienced clinics with a strong track record can make a measurable difference in results.

Surrogacy is not only about statistics. It is about creating the best possible path to parenthood. Success is built on the right team, the right preparation, and the right support at every stage.

Emotional Considerations

Surrogacy is a deeply human journey filled with emotion. For intended parents, it’s normal to feel a mix of excitement, hope, and gratitude, alongside moments of anxiety or impatience, especially during the quiet stretches between key milestones.

Maintaining a close, respectful connection with your surrogate can make the experience richer for everyone. 

Celebrating small victories like a healthy ultrasound, a reassuring doctor’s visit, or even the first kick can help you stay present in the journey rather than constantly waiting for the next big step.

It’s also wise to surround yourself with support. Friends and family who understand your path, online or in-person surrogacy communities, and professional counselors who specialize in fertility can all help you process the ups and downs. Remember: this is a shared experience of trust, care, and anticipation. The more emotionally supported you feel, the more meaningful the journey becomes.

Common Misconceptions About Surrogacy

Surrogacy has evolved significantly over the past few decades, yet several myths persist, often based on outdated information.

One of the most common fears is that a surrogate can change her mind and keep the baby. In properly managed gestational surrogacy, this is not possible. Before any medical steps are taken, all parties sign detailed legal agreements, and parentage is typically established in court either before or immediately after birth. Surrogates participate fully informed and committed. They are driven by compassion and altruism, not uncertainty.

Another frequent misconception is that the surrogate is biologically related to the child. This is only true in traditional surrogacy, which uses the surrogate’s own egg. Today, the vast majority of arrangements are gestational, meaning the surrogate has no genetic link to the baby she carries.

Finally, there’s the belief that surrogacy is only for the ultra-wealthy. While the process is a significant investment, it’s becoming increasingly accessible. Fertility financing programs, nonprofit grants, employer-provided benefits, and even insurance coverage in certain states are making surrogacy a reality for more families than ever before.

By replacing myths with facts, intended parents can approach surrogacy with clarity, confidence, and trust in the process.

Final Thoughts

Surrogacy is not a “one-size-fits-all” journey. Each path is shaped by the needs, hopes, and circumstances of the intended parents and the surrogate who walks alongside them. The most successful journeys begin with the right guidance, an experienced agency, skilled medical professionals, and legal experts who understand the nuances of reproductive law.

Your path to parenthood is valid, possible, and worth pursuing. With the right team, thorough preparation, and a heart open to collaboration, surrogacy can lead you to one of life’s greatest joys: welcoming your child into the world.

When you’re ready to start your journey, Growing Generations will be here to help you. Contact us for a consultation and click here to find out more.

Sources

Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART).  Annual reports on IVF and surrogacy success rates. https://www.sart.org

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Assisted Reproductive Technology Reports. https://www.cdc.gov/art