AS A SURROGATE, WILL I GET ATTACHED TO THE BABY?

It is not uncommon for potential and first-time surrogates to ask, "Will I get attached to the baby during pregnancy?" Though it is an understandable concern for surrogates—and sometimes, intended parents as well—the truth is that such an attachment is quite rare. 

As a surrogate, you embark on this surrogacy journey to help others build their path to parenthood. For you, it is a deeply compassionate and empathic act, motivated by helping others build and grow their families. We share other reasons you are unlikely to form an attachment to the baby you carry below.

YOU ARE NOT GENETICALLY RELATED TO THE BABY

One of the key factors differentiating surrogate pregnancy from traditional pregnancy is that surrogates understand that the baby is not genetically related to them. Because you, as a surrogate, undergo in vitro fertilization (IVF), the process ensures that the baby is genetically linked to the intended parents (or donors) and not you. This awareness—as well as undergoing the process—helps you maintain a healthy emotional distance, and reinforces your commitment to helping another family achieve their goal of parenthood.

YOU HAVE COMPLETED YOUR OWN FAMILY

You and many other surrogates choose this path precisely because you feel you have completed your own family. You feel a deep sense of fulfillment in helping others experience the joys of parenthood. Your decision to become a surrogate is driven by a desire to make a positive impact on someone else’s life rather than a longing to expand your own family.

YOU CAN MAINTAIN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PARENTS & BABY

Many surrogates and intended parents maintain their connection even after the baby is delivered. Surrogates and parents will have discussed the level of communication and relationship after the baby’s birth, and you may have the opportunity to see the baby again either in person or through photos and updates shared by the intended parents. The ongoing relationship reinforces the collaborative and supportive nature of the surrogacy journey, providing you with a sense of fulfillment and closure.

YOU ARE SCREENED TO ENSURE YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY READY

Before embarking on the surrogacy journey, you undergo a thorough screening process to ensure you are prepared for the experience, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. Surrogacy agencies work with medical professionals to evaluate your psychological well-being and assess your ability and capacity to maintain appropriate boundaries throughout the pregnancy and beyond. These screenings help identify any potential attachment challenges and ensure that you  are equipped to navigate the emotional complexities of surrogacy with compassion and professionalism. 

While concerns about your emotional attachment to the baby are natural, the reality is that as a surrogate, you are able to maintain a healthy emotional distance from the baby. You are motivated to help others on their journey to parenthood. You approach your surrogacy journey with a sense of purpose and altruism. By debunking the myth of attachment, there is a better understanding and appreciation for the selflessness and compassion of surrogates who play a vital role in building and growing families.

If you or someone you know is interested in becoming a surrogate, you can fill out an application or contact us online for questions or more information.