When your surrogacy journey ends with an extended hospital stay it can feel overwhelming and emotionally draining. This may be a challenging way to enter into your parenthood journey, but parenthood is rarely a smooth experience. We have faith that you can navigate this first hurdle. Here’s a look at what to expect, and how we can help you during this time.
What You’re Feeling
You may be feeling a whirlwind of emotions. You may be feeling fear or anxiety if your new child needs time in the NICU. You could be feeling stress about the financial implications of extended hospital care for your child or your surrogate or feeling confused about what is expected of you and who to talk to when it comes to managing expenses. All of this is likely happening in a city you’re not familiar with while your normal life goes on back home. It’s a lot to manage at once–we understand. Whatever you’re feeling is normal, and your mental health specialist is available to talk with you about your emotions and how to manage them if you’d like.
What’s Expected of You
If your surrogate needs to be hospitalized for an extended period of time, be it before or after the delivery, you will be responsible for any additional medical expenses that occur as the result of the pregnancy or birth. Additionally, you will be responsible for additional lost wages, childcare, and housekeeping expenses that may arise as a result of an extended hospital stay.
If your surrogate is going to express breast milk for your use, you will be responsible for the costs of a breast pump, nursing supplies, and compensation for your surrogate. These expenses are outlined in your contract with your surrogate.
How to Balance it All
You’re likely going to spend a fair amount of time in a city that you aren’t familiar with. The best thing to do is look into long-term housing options. We recommend looking into furnished apartments with a kitchen. Not only are they far more affordable than hotels, they’ll also give you a “home base” and sense of comfort in the days or weeks to come. If you know that you’ll need to be in your surrogate’s hometown for an extended period following the birth, it can be advantageous to look into this sort of lodging in advance of the delivery. This is prudent especially in the instance of multiples.
Next up, it is in your best interest to identify your hospital social worker and establish a good rapport with this person. Growing Generations will not be with you at the hospital, and the hospital social worker is your best link for on-site support and guidance. It is likely that you will meet this person during your 20-week hospital tour.
Finally, consider allowing your surrogate time with your new child. Quite often, surrogates feel as though they’ve failed in their mission to carry a child for you if the child needs to spend time in the NICU. She may also be jarred from a premature end to her surrogate journey. Allowing your surrogate time with the child that she carried for you is a kindness that will help with her emotional and physical recovery.